Konnichiwa from Fethiye
Konnichiwa. Hello from Fethiye. It is wonderful to be back home.
My friends know that I really love Fethiye. And I fell in love with Japan on my last trip. Japan is the land of gentle and respectful people and I really felt at home. Japanese people are kind, thoughtful and they are always smiling. This made me realize that how as a nation we do not smile as much anymore. Ok, maybe not that much in Fethiye. However, in Istanbul we forgot to smile and forgot to be respectful to each other.
I met an American couple in Japan, and they were sharing with me how they feel like “barbarians” in Japan. The husband also told me: “But I am also glad that I know that I act like one now.”
I believe that in our roots we Turks know how to be respectful and loving, honest and true. Unfortunately, after seeing Japan for the first time, I am faced with the fact that we forgot some of it. Maybe much less that the so-called western world, but we did forget.
When I used to look at my late father, he was a gentleman true to his word. He would tell me that “the word is the contract”. They were from a generation who took their words seriously and considered words to be enough to seal contracts. They were respectful and honour was very important. They cared and they worked for their country and worked for what they believed to be the benefit of the whole nation. Personal interests were always secondary to them. They were the nameless heroes that made this country grow from its ashes after the wars.
Well, then I am afraid that we forgot some of it ...
We forgot to show respect as we used to. We forgot the power of kind and loving words. We forgot the meaning of patience, tolerance and compassion, especially in the big cities and in the corporate world. We forgot to love, our friends, colleagues, neighbours, unconditionally as we used to.
I believe that it is time to remember. It is time to remember who we truly were and are.
I used to see how my parents were, and I used to think that the times have changed.
Well, it seems that there are parts of the world like Japan where it hasn’t.
This gives me hope.
I felt peacefulness and serenity in Japan, even in the busiest sections of cities.
Fethiye gives me that feeling and I wish to feel it in Istanbul.
People allow each other space in that crowdedness - a space to be, created by caring and respect.
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Empowerment is a word that I like a lot. I believe empowerment to be an important concept in life – empowering myself and others. That is what my father taught me in the years that we worked together. He taught me to share the knowledge and to share the joy, accomplishments and success. He taught me the importance of being a team. He was a wonderful teacher.
There is a very good book titled “Empowerment” by John Randolph Price. There is another book by him called “The Angels Within Us” that I also love. His approach is always reminding us of our infinite potential.
Do we empower our family, our children, and our employees? Or do we go on to create dependent beings with low self confidence and motivation? Do we serve our ego or a higher purpose?
Are we living with concepts of limited resources and competition? Or are we living with the awareness that for our every action there is a reaction of similar intention and frequency?
Some say “the bad always wins”; I do not believe it to be so...
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There was a conference in Fethiye a couple weeks ago by child psychiatrist Prof. Yankı Yazgan. He is an M.D. and a professor at the Medical School of Marmara University in Istanbul and he is also the author of 10 books on brain development and child and adolescent development. He also writes for the national Akşam Newspaper weekly.
I had met him a couple years ago in a training and had invited him to give a conference in Fethiye. He accepted and he gave a two hour conference to parents and teachers. The title of the conference was: “Being a Parent and an Educator in the Times of Change”.
I would like to share some of my notes from this conference with you this week.
Here is what I gathered from what Yankı Yazgan said:
- The importance of learning mathematics is learning to use the left side of our brain which teaches us problem solving in general. This is a tool beneficial for our whole life.
- Education is not learning things, rather something that gives us the capacity to think differently.
- What we learn is the system we use in the process of learning.
- The connection between the worst parent and the worst child is still the strongest than any other relationship.
- Be aware that children are excellent at reading faces and knowing the truth about the feelings and thoughts of adults.
- Schools are a place where we are taught to figure what happens to us and others when we take an action.
- Schools teach us when to fit in the crowd and when not to. Cheating because many do so is not ok. However, if there is a dress code, everyone also needs to respect it and obey it.
- Took at schools as areas to learn life.
- Intelligence of kids increase with the love given to a child and nourishment.
- Parents sometimes have issues with the teachers. Sometimes this may be the result of bad experiences that the parents had with their own teachers when they were kids. Be aware of the origin of the issues and problems.
- Going to schools, even with the worst grades, gives a general concept of culture and responsibility of fulfilling duties, essential all through life.
- Keep your babies and small kids away from television. Studies show that psychological disorders are directly linked to the number of hours a kid spends in front of the TV.
- The human brain develops the most rapidly between the ages of (0-4) and (12-16).
- Children are usually quite strong psychologically. What breaks a child’s psychology is bad behaviour from people the child loves and trusts and expects to be loved by.
- Teaching a child to lose, to learn to tolerate loss, defeat and failure and to try and to success despite past failures is very important. Teaching a child that life is a process is essential.
- Do not give your kids loads that they are not ready to carry. However, also make sure that you allow them to do the things that they are capable of. Not allowing the kids to carry out responsibilities that they would like to is interference and intervention. Please be careful in that respect.
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Michell Cassou says “We live in a time in which most people believe there is not much inside them, only what teachers, parents, and others have out there.”
I believe that we are all here to uncover the potentials that are waiting to be expressed and gather the skills to do that the best.
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With lots of love and light from Fethiye ...
Z.
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Affirmation of the Week:
“I am well structured and balanced.”
By Louise L. Hay
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Quote of the Week:
“Life is not a problem to be solved, but a mystery to be lived.”
Thomas Merton
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Suggested Reading:
“The Life You Were Born To Live” By Dan Millman
The Turkish translation of the book may be found under the name “Hayatınızın Amacı”.
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