Monet, Japanese Gardens and a City Called Istanbul

I was in Fethiye when the Monet exhibition “Monet’s Garden” opened at the SSM Sakip Sabanci Museum in Istanbul.  I saw the exhibition twelve days later on a sunny and relatively warm Wednesday morning.  And I was not sure if this exhibition was about Monet’s paintings.  It seemed to be more about a man wanting to be known better.

I had seen Monet’s paintings in different parts of the world before.  At the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York. In Paris.  Even in Japan, at the Ohare Museum of Art.  I had various books on Monet, including a huge one by Sandro Sproccati as well. Yet, on the day that I visited this exhibition, seven days after this French painter was born in Paris in 1840, I was realizing that when I am faced the energy of his paintings, he was becoming alive.

I have been to different museums around the world.  I had encounters with paintings that did take my breath away.  Pictures that moved me even days after I visited them.  I saw paintings that touched me beyond description when I saw them with my bare eyes even if I knew them so very well through books and the media.  J.M.W. Turner is one painter that I fell in love with after seeing his paintings in an exhibition in Zurich.  When standing in front of one of his paintings, it is impossible to resist the charm of the effect of the light. He is surely “the painter of light.” Seeing a Turner with your own eyes cannot compare in any way with seeing a Turner painting in a book or on paper or on screen.  There is something is his paintings that no camera seems to be able to capture.

With Monet, I had always loved his paintings, since I was a kid.  They were everywhere.  The water lilies especially.  Who would not love Monet? With the pastel colours, with the pinks and the greens, the purples with dashes of white and the shades of the sun?

Well, as I was looking at the paintings at the exhibition, which were brought to Turkey from the Musée Marmottan Monet in Paris, I was being faced with the fact that the Claude Monet that I thought I knew.  Here was a man infatuated with nature, with his garden.  A man who wanted to capture what he loved to be near and what he loved to see, but seems to be losing himself in what he was looking at when he is painting.

I cannot say the the paintings at the “Monet’s Garden” exhibition are even the best of Monet that I had seen.  For me, it was not one of those exhibitions where a painting really captures my heart and soul.  There were very few paintings that had a special light, a special energy for me.  It was more like feeling Monet’s heart, and may be more if his sad days than the happier ones.  Seeing his paintings as a part of big exhibitions in different museum, Monet had reflected feelings of serene joy and peaceful happiness for me. Until the day I visited the exhibition in Istanbul.

As I was looking at the painting one after the other, I felt the heart of a man who wanted to be remembered.  It was as if we were faced not with the energy of his paintings, but the energy of his own soul.  I looked and looked again to be impressed, and I was faced with the same message.  It was him not his paintings that wanted to be known.

So that evening, I found myself collecting all of the books that I have on Monet as well as the “Monet’s Garden” exhibition book, as well as book on Japanese Gardens, to understand this man as well as trying to understand what he might have wanted to bring into his wife with “The Japanese Bridge” which he depicted in so many of his painting in the ever growing fabulous garden of his.

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As I was driving back from the exhibition to my apartment in Arnavutkoy, I passed by  Japanese Garden in Baltalimani.  I remembered how frequently I think of Japan, how I love Kyoto and the gardens of the temples in that beautiful city.  I found myself wondering if Monet had ever made it to Japan and what was behind his admiration with the Far Eastern Culture.

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I love Japan.  There is no doubt about it.  My soul finds a hard to define peacefulness there.  Yet, I love Fethiye as well.  I feel strangely complete in this small city.  I cannot not come back. 

And then there is Istanbul.  A city full of people struggling. People fighting with themselves as well those that they love.   A city that makes us forget what we are made of.  I was born in Istanbul.  I was raised there.  I lived there.  It was all that I had before Fethiye.  I did not have a home town, another home city that I could go to or go back to . Neither did my mother or my late father have.  Istanbul was all that we had. And maybe it is still all that we have in this beautiful and complicated country of ours where our heart, mind and soul face its demons, joys, questions and triumphs.  It will continue to be a city that many of us run away from but also cannot help from coming back to.

The “Monet’s Garden” Exhibition will be on display until January 6^th, 2013 at the Sakip Sabanci Museum in.

2012, A Time for the Body

I am not an expert on body work.   In high school I was in the track team, but I cannot say I was very good.  I had a couple of injuries and although I was a very fast sprinter, I never got to live my love of running. 

I always loved dancing.  In college I would dance for hours, especially on Saturday nights when life at Cornell University gave me a short break.  I started to do Yoga and body building seriously when I was in college.  I was very healthy and fit when I graduated from college.

I returned to Turkey after college.  I was planning to stay for a masters degree in engineering.  However, my father had been ill since his by-pass surgery during my sophomore year and he needed support at our family construction company.  After I returned to Turkey, I worked almost nonstop for eight nine years.  Then I was not that well anymore.  I had various problems with my health as well as many problems with my husband.  My father and mother were experiencing serious health problems, too.  Everything looked good on the outside.  Business was good.  I was married, travelling around the world although for much shorter times since I was working very hard, driving very nice cars.  I was able to buy and do more or less all that I wanted.  I was also helping a lot of people during those years.  Giving financial help was what I knew to do.   Today I have a little different understanding of helping another person.  We learn best my doing and especially by making mistakes.  However, maybe what I did then protected me during the couple very dark years that followed.

Anyway. My path led me to energy work and various healing methods.  I never looked for a method to heal myself or my life.  As l looked for healing methods to help others, I was to discover a whole new way of life for myself.  At all phases of my life there were people who told me how foolish it is to try to help others.  Surely there were times when I was hurt and betrayed by the people that I helped, however, I believe that trying to help with a pure heart can never truly hurt us.   As long as we know our boundaries. As long as helping does not turn into satisfying our own ego.  Help should be about empowerment. Again, today I have a different of definition of what really helping another means. No one is a victim.

Although I learned many different personal development and healing tools, energy work has always been my favourite.  The more I advanced, I found myself doing less and less body work.  Although I did not have any health problems, at one point I realized that I was losing the awareness of my body and that I was gaining weight.  Gaining weight is a common symptom among many energy healers.  If we are not careful about grounding ourselves, we start to use food and eating as a means for grounding.  Naturally many healers end up gaining weight.

Also, spiritual work is important, but if we have been born on this planet, I believe that it means we need to work with our body, mind and spirit. With spiritual work, it is easy to look down upon material needs and all that is material including the body. I have been doing mental and spiritual work deeply, but not enough body work.  To find a new balance I needed to focus on my body again.  That is when I turned to Louise Hay with a different focus.

Good diet and physical exercise are essential for good health.  Deep awareness of our body is another level of body work.  A topic that I want to start sharing more.  Actually in some of my previous articles I had shared some body affirmations as the affirmations of the week.  Now, I would like to recommend to you using Louise L. Hay’s body awareness affirmations in a systematic manner.  Louise Hay has mapped out the relationship between our though patterns and our health.

-          I always thoroughly use any technique that I recommend to my family, friends and clients.  The body affirmations that I will share will certainly heal and strengthen your body immensely. There are seven affirmations given in this article.  Of course, there are many more for the other parts of our body. 

The way to work with the following affirmations, suggested by Louise L. Hay:

-          Use one affirmation a day in the first round of working with the affirmations.

-          Repeat each affirmation for at least ten times every morning and every evening.

-          Write each affirmation at least ten times every day.

You may also write the affirmation and place it where you can see during the day. The next week, either do another round of the seven affirmations or during the second week every morning look at the seven affirmations and choose that you feel will serve you the most.

Day 1 - Affirmation 1:  I Love My Mind

My mind enables me to recognize the beautiful Miracle of my Body.  I am glad to be alive.  I affirm with my mind that I have the power to heal myself.  My mind chooses the thoughts that create my future moment by moment.  My power comes through the use of my mind. I choose thoughts that make me feel good.  I love and appreciate my beautiful mind.

Day 2 - Affirmation 2:  I Love My Scalp

My scalp is relaxed and peaceful.  It is loose and easy. It provides a nourished bed for my hair. My hair is able to grow freely and luxuriously. I choose the thoughts that massage my scalp with love.  I love and appreciate my beautiful scalp.

Day 3 - Affirmation 3:  I Love My Hair

I trust the process of life to take care of my every need, and I grow strong and peaceful. I relax my scalp and give my beautiful hair room to grow luxuriously. I lovingly groom my hair and choose the thoughts that support its growth and strength. I love and appreciate my beautiful hair.

Day 4 - Affirmation 4:  I Love My Eyes

I have perfect vision.  I see clearly in every direction.  I see with love my past, my present and my future.  My mind chooses the way I look at life.  I see with new eyes. I see good in everyone and everywhere. I now lovingly create the life I love to look at.  I love and appreciate my beautiful eyes.

Day 5 - Affirmation 5:  I Love My Ears

I am balanced and poised and one with all of life. I choose the thoughts that create harmony around me.  I listen with love to the good and the pleasant.  I hear the cry for love that is hidden in everyone’s message. I am willing to understand others, and I have compassion for them.  I rejoice in my ability to hear life. I have a receptive capacity of mind.  I am willing to hear.  I love and appreciate my beautiful ears.

Day 6 - Affirmation 6:  I Love My Nose

I am at peace with everyone around me. No person, place, or thing has any power over me.  I am the power and authority in my world.  I choose the thoughts that recognize my own true worth.  I recognize my own intuitive ability.  I trust my intuition, for I am always in contact with Universal Wisdom and Truth.  I always go in the right direction for me.  I love and appreciate my beautiful nose.

Day 7 - Affirmation 7:  I Love My Mouth

I nourish myself by taking in new ideas.  I prepare new concepts for digestion and assimilation.  I make decisions with ease based upon the principles of Truth. I have a good taste for life. I choose the thoughts that enable me to speak with love. I speak up for myself, secure in my own true worth.  I love and appreciate my beautiful mouth.

In the coming weeks, I will share more of Louise Hay’s body affirmations for better health and a happier life.

May love and light always be with you.

Zeynep

Quote of the Week:

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.”

                                                                                                              By William James

Mindfulness and a Peaceful and Happy Way to Be

Talk about synchronicity.  I was reading a book on Thich Nhat Hanh.  As I was reading the sentence “For him, a ringing telephone is a signal to call us back to our true selves” in the “Editor’s Introduction” section of the book, the phone rang.  Not one sentence before, not after.  At that short part of a second that I finished the sentence.  I found myself smiling more deeply as I had been smiling for sometime as I was re-reading this book on mindfulness and personal peace on this warm and sunny morning.  

The call was from a client who had not been in contact with me for over a year.  At the time she had been having problems with her husband.  Her condition had improved, but lately I had been wondering how she was. This time she was calling me to refer a friend of hers to me.

So many women are in conflict with their husbands.  It is tough to see people suffer.  Some of these women are with men who are totally abusive, but they still choose to stay with them.  Surviving as a single woman and even more as a single mother is not easy; and some choose the abuse instead of the difficulties of surviving alone.  Unfortunately families in Turkey a lot of the time demand the women to try to make it work.  Especially if they have kids.  There are many couples who are able to make it if they are able to reach an understanding about their problems.  However, this requires both parties to take responsibility and to work on themselves.

Some women are unwilling to accept the fact that they cannot change another person and also that they do not have the right to change their spouse.  They spend their lives trying to change their husbands and partners who do not have any desire to change. Life gets tough if we want everyone to act, to think and to choose as we want them to.  We only have the right and the ability to change ourselves. 

I work with many women, of all ages.  I work with men as well, a lot fewer though. There are very few men who go to a coach or a healer to heal their relationships with their wives or children.  Most of the men that I work with come to work on their careers and their responsibility to provide for themselves and their families.  A smaller number of men I work with have very serious health problems. Most of the rest are trying to deal with the loss of a loved one. According to my experience, the reasons men and women turn to self-development or healing are quite different.  Men and women are different in so many ways.

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The Dalai Lama says “Although attempting to bring about world peace through the internal transformation of individuals is difficult, it is the only way.”   Like many great Buddhist masters Thich Nhat Hanh focuses his teachings on mindful living, on mindfulness.  He teaches about conscious breathing and awareness of breath, especially as a tool to be mindful of each moment, of each act in our lives.  Like one of my own teachers Paracha, Thich Nhat Hanh also brings into our attention the importance of smiling.  I am a firm believer in smiling and in the power of a smile.  The chemistry of our body changes as we smile.  Our body relaxes.  As we smile, the changes that happen in our body clear away our worries and tiredness.  In Vipassana meditations, most masters want us to keep a smile on our face while we are focusing on our five senses and/or focusing on our body and organs.

Thich Nhat Hanh in all his teachings reminds us that we do not need a special time or a place to meditate.  As long as we can breathe and smile, we are able to tap into the energy of self-awareness and internal power.  I will admit that when I had just started to meditate, I would be upset about the dog that barked outside, or the music that did not seem appropriate for the mood, or the heat, or the cushion or the chair.  It was hard to accept what is, to embrace the moment. 

Of course, now I know the tricks that we use in order not to listen to our heart and soul.  We create so many distractions.  We are magicians when it comes to finding ways to stop ourselves.  And I also discovered that the only way to pass through those phases is to live through them.  To be upset and to continue to try to meditate.  To be angry and to continue.  To find it useless and to continue.  Then came a time when I could be in the middle of a traffic jam in Istanbul, and I would be able to smile and watch life as if in slow motion.  Then came a time when I would be on the escalator in a crowded shopping mall and the moment I started to consciously observe my breathing, the colours around me would brighten and I would start to hear my thoughts clearly as if all of the noise around me has been filtered out.

Trainings of different breathing techniques are very popular in Turkey for the past couple of years.  My brother Yaman is a breathing coach.  I personally have not advanced in that area.  For me, I found it enough to strengthen my awareness of my breathing.  Most of us when are afraid or excited stop to breath. Literally.  Just to be aware of how you react to different emotions in your breathing can make a big difference in how you live those emotions as well as in your health.  With the help of breathing, we can transform our feelings.

Breathing is always with us.  It is not a goal to be reached. It is not something to be completed. Not something to be overcome or to be left behind.  Breathing is with us, always and constantly.   It is about just being, just doing.  Continuous, essential and natural and effortless at the same time.  Breathing keeps us alive, helps us renew our body, helps us connect with the air, with nature.

Meditation is about creating a space to receive information that was not apparent with our busy minds.  Meditation is about slowing down our brain waves.  It is about relaxation and tapping into peacefulness.

One of my favourite meditations is the walking meditation.  To walk just to walk and to be in the moment.  Not giving importance or attention to the destination.  Such a free feeling.

These are the thoughts and feelings that Vietnamese Zen Master and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh brought to my mind and heart. Some may call him a monk; some call him a great bodhisattva.  I call him like many great masters a “master of light.”

May our days be filled with many moments of love and light.

Zeynep

Affirmation of the Week, From Louise Hay:

“ I Love My Ankles

My ankles give me mobility and direction. I release all fear and guilt.  I accept pleasure with ease.  I move in the direction of my highest good.  I choose the thoughts that bring me pleasure and joy into my life.  I am flexible and flowing.  I love and appreciate my beautiful ankles.”

The Placebo Effect?

Today I was talking about Reiki with some friends.  I was talking about how real the effects of Reiki are even though they are hard to prove.  How one has to experience the effects to believe in the power of the Japanese healing energy Reiki.  How the healing effects of Reiki is not a placebo effect.  I was talking about how I have seen Reiki work on people who do not believe in Reiki at all.  And this evening as I am re-reading a book an American friend of mine from Cornell University had recommended me a couple months ago, I am thinking that the healing power of Reiki is not a placebo effect, but also that the power of our thinking is an amazing healing tool.  I am reading about an experiment that was done in 1979.  The results of the experiment as amazing as they were 33 years ago.

This experiment was done on a group of 75 year old men.  These men spent a week at a retreat centre.  They were not allowed to bring any pictures, books or many documents that was dated later than 1959, twenty years earlier than the year of the experiment.  Even the ID cards they used had their photos of when they were 55 years old or younger.  The newspapers or books they were allowed to read where from 1959.  Their clothes and the decoration of the retreat centre were also like they used to be twenty years ago.

These men were tested for various bodily functions before and after this one-week long experiment.  Other people were shown these men’s before and after the experiment photos and according to the ratings, on average they looked three years younger after the experiment.  Their eyesight was measured to improve by ten percent on average after the experiment.  Their memory test performances also improved by ten percent.  In one week.  Isn’t it amazing?  Is this not a sign of the amazing power of the mind?

NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming is a personal development approach developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in 1970s.  It is one of the most well known techniques in the world.   It is quite popular among life coaches as well.  NLP is about understanding and using our mind to control and improve our lives.  And similar to Reiki, it is not possible to scientifically prove the effectiveness of NLP. There are many books on NLP and you can find a lot of free material on the internet as well.  I use NLP as one of the tools in my sessions.  I usually choose to use a couple techniques together.  I think NLP is one of the tools that we can use on our own very effectively.  To be aware of the fact that we have a control panel in our minds and even though there might be things in life that we cannot change, there are many that we can influence and change immensely.  Also, that we have automatic responses to what we see, hear and experience, and most of these mental responses have been programmed by our previous experiences.  Some of these automatic responses might be serving us, some of them might be stopping us.  Understanding and positively shaping the way we think does bring about healing, health and happiness.  I will write about NLP more in the coming weeks.  It is not as popular as it used to be, but it is worth looking into.

Reiki, NLP, EFT Emotional Freedom Technique are some of the personal development and healing tools that I use. There are many more.  Yet, the most important thing I believe is to think constructively.  To be aware of the problems, but work to overcome them, to go around them, to continue with life.  The more we concentrate on the problems, the harder it becomes to find solutions. I have seen it happen so many times like you also must have seen.  In coaching we have an agreement.  When we start to work with a client, we start with setting an intention for the coaching process and the session.  The intention needs to be a positively stated sentence.  “I want to fight less with my husband” is not a valid intention for us.  We go on to work with the client to clarify what it is that she really wants to experience with her husband. Fighting less is usually never enough. “I want my husband to show me more attention” is also not a valid intention sentence since we can only control ourselves. Trying to control others becomes manipulation. Then we work together to understand the need behind the words that want the attention.    Setting a goal always gives power.  Setting a positive goal that you really want and believe in makes a big difference.

So my question to you this week is: What do you want?  What do you really want in life?  I do ask myself this question in meditation every couple of months.  I ask and I sit down with a soft music for twenty to thirty minutes, to let the thoughts clarify.  You may also choose to write all of the replies that come to this question every day for a week.  Finding out what I really want has always been the best beginning I ever did.

May your days be filled with joy and happiness.

Zeynep.

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “I am safe when I express my feelings.  I can be serene in any situation.”

Mars and Venus, Men and Women, Loving What Is

During my energy healing and coaching work, a lot of questions come about relationships.  I have been in a marriage for seven years and I have been single for over seven years now.  I am not an expert on relationships, yet I have seen enough to be able to realize some of the patterns that bring a man and a woman together closely or separate them. 

We cannot force relationships to work, but our thoughts and actions have the power to make a difference.  I have not been able to keep my marriage together, however I was able to conclude a relationship that was not supporting for me or for my ex-husband.  I do not have regrets.  And I am realizing that, that feeling is also very important.  All relationships may not be for forever, however I also see that there are many relationships that have true love at their core and deserve better care.

There is a book that has been around for over twenty years.  “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.  This is a book is a great tool to have a better understanding of the world of men and women.  And it is still as valid as it was the day it was published in 1992.

I think I read Dr. Gray’s book for the first time in 1993 after I came back to Turkey from Cornell University.  Of course, that Zeynep had a much different point of view of the world and life.  Since then, I must have read this book and John Gray’s other books in the series many times.  Like many of the good books, I find something new in it for me every time I read it.  “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is one of the books that I definitely recommend you to read if you haven’t already.  “Conversations with God”, “Celestine Prophecy” and “Peaceful Warrior” are other three must reads if you are interested in energy, personal development tools or an honest sharing about spirituality.

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What does John Gray share that is so important about relationships?

One very important information is that in a relationship we usually give others what we need ourselves. And that most of the time that does that serve none of the parties involved well.  It’s like Don Miguel Ruiz says, “Don’t take it personally.”  What we say or do is mostly about us even if we try to make it look like it is about our partner.  Most of it is subconscious.

If we are not aware of our own needs as well as the specific and unique needs of our partner, we start to hurt ourselves and the other, even if we are being honest, true, giving, gentle and loving towards are partner.  When things are not going well, we are at a loss as to what happened. Understanding that we might be giving our partner what actually we ourselves need is a very simple and huge concept.  A concept that we really need to understand.

I recommend John Gray’s suggestions on what can make our relationships work. However, I also definitely want to share that we need to start with a relationship we are interested in and that we are committed to.  If there is not true love under the core, all of the approaches will turn into manipulation.  His tools are not to win a person, but to be able to make it work with a person we are interested in and who is also interested in us.  The information he shares is more about understanding ourselves and our partner and making use of that information to make both of us happy.

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“Loving What Is” is a great book by  Byron Katie.  I really like her work.  The healing process she uses is in fact called “The Work.”  Check out www.thework.com for more information on how to heal relationships.  She makes us question the hidden thoughts and motives behind our thoughts and assumptions.  We seem to be living with the stories we write about what is happening in our lives.  The reality might be different.  And sometimes it is not easy to deal with the feelings of anger, that we feel for others and even more for ourselves.

Master Thich Nhat Hanh recommends a walking meditation when angry.  In this meditation, he recommends to keep in mind and/or say the following sentences that are both acknowledgement of what is and also are affirmations:

                (Breathing in,) I know that anger is here.

                (Breathing out,) I know that the anger is me.

                (Breathing in,)  I know that anger is unpleasant.

                (Breathing out,)               I know this feeling will pass.

                (Breathing in,)  I am calm.

                (Breathing out,) I am strong enough to take care of this anger.

And to continue to walk, breathing in and out, saying these words, and focusing on the moment, on the steps, giving full focus to the contact between the souls of the feet and the earth.  He assures that we will start to enjoy our breathing, that our anger will subside and that we will feel stronger to face life.  Indeed, an

ger I believe usually arises when we do not feel strong enough to cope with what comes our way.

May your days be filled with love, compassion and trust.

Zeynep

Quote of the Week:

“Adventure is not outside; it is within.”

-          David Grayson

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “When I encounter problems on the job, I am willing to ask for help.”

Before We Have To...

I remember listening to Louise Hay once, the lady who made us aware of the mental reasons behind our illnesses and how to heal through affirmations, how to heal by being aware of and by changing our thinking.  She had said that all teachers and healers share the same information, because there can only be one true information.  One true path.  We all share the parts of the path that we are able to see and the methods that help us stay on track.

Yet, listening to some teachers make more sense.  Some of the healing methods work better on us.  I had the chance to meet some exceptional teachers over the years.  Some were exceptional yet I did not feel like their path was fit for me.  I learned through time that it is important to expose myself to new approaches, but also always tostay with which feels fit both for my mind and my heart.

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With every new student, with each new client I find myself asking what I really do believe in when it comes to illness and healing.  I work with many people who have serious health issues, but there are as many if not more people who seem to have many blessings in their lives, but are still not happy, very discontent with their lives. 

In the first years that worked, I had more people come to me who were really ill and were looking ways to improve their lives.  Later on, more and more people started to come to me to change their lives because they did not feel they were headed in a positive direction.  It is hopeful to see that people are looking for ways to change their lives before they make themselves sick.  It is tough and wonderful to be proactive in such a way.  I was not one of them.  I was a part of the former group.

Yes, I am a strong believer of the idea that if we do look into the daily problems in our lives, we will eventually make ourselves sick.  Our subconscious will try to bring our problems in our consciousness by a difficult method that works - through illness. 

If we are proactive, the process of  being aware is faster and easier.  But sometimes life literally knocks us out, to shake us, to awaken us, to make us change.  As a person who has had a tough wake up call, I can say that I admire those you are courageous enough to work on themselves before they really have to. 

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So what do I do?  What helps us to be happier and healthier in life?  One of the important aspects is to unload the “negative” feelings as they arise.  Our spouse shouts at us, or scolds us for a reason – whether he or she has the right or not is another issue – and we want to reply back, however because kids are around, because the mother and father-in-law is around, because you are afraid things will get worse, you stay quiet.  You “swallow” the words as we say it in Turkish.  May be you have done the right thing, but the feelings of anger, disappointment, maybe of resentment are there.  You have not let them out.   In order to stay healthy emotionally, mentally and physically, we need to let out these feels that do not feed us.  

One option is to speak up and let the other person know, but this is not always easy or possible.  We are very unprepared for conflict resolution.  I wish and pray that conflict resolution one day will be a part of the education as a basic life skill.  So, for many people telling how we feel when we are feeling it is not easy.  However, we have to find a way to let that negative energy out.  Unless we release it or clear it, it is hard to feel another emotion.

Listening to music and physical movement such as walking and dancing seems to create a means to clear the energy.  Another method that works very effectively at releasing negative feelings is EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique.

EFT is a technique that is used best to clear negative emotions, emotional residues of past unpleasant events or traumas.  As some of you might know, in EFT we tap into certain point on our head, body and hands while concentrating on our negative feelings to unload our emotional burdens.  This technique that was developed by an engineer Gary Craig has been in use since 1995.  This year Gary and his daughter are making some modifications in the technique and also EFT had been a technique that was freely distributed although there were official trainings and certifications. It seems they want to have more control on the technique and therefore creating new certifications to be an “official” practitioner.

I believe in trainings.  I must have attended close to a hundred including the previous official certification trainings of the Emotional Freedom Technique. I also understand the need to be able to live and survive as a teacher and healer, the need to be paid for your efforts and the knowledge that you created.   Gary Craig seems to experience the negative aspects or sharing information freely.  His old websites are not active anymore and www.garythink.com is his new website where he shares information about EFT.  There are free and purchasable information on this web site.  According to my observation, the “old” EFT techniques are as valid as they used to be.  They work.  If you know how to use EFT, I recommend you to keep on using them.  I will share the additions or changes to EFT that make sense to me in the coming weeks.  I believe in finding what works for you and in keeping using it.  That means to try new approaches, but to trust your heart, to trust your intuition in the healing method. 

Sometimes my clients ask me if certain healing techniques can be used together.  Most of time we can.  For example, we can use EFT Emotional Freedom Technique and use Reiki at the same time to support us during the EFT process.  Or we can use Reiki to help heal the time in the past we are working with EFT. 

Please never, never use a method that you do not feel comfortable with.  Of course, I am not saying you to give in to your fears of change.  Because sometimes we are afraid of the good that awaits us as well.  This is surely not what I am talking about.  I have seen many people who are afraid to physically heal because they have grown so familiar to the life as the “sick person”, they do not know what to do as a person who is not sick anymore.  Many of them realize that sickness is how they have learned to say no without having to say no.  It is unbelievable how so many people use illnesses as an excuse to say no.  

It seems very hard to say no, just to say say. It seems very hard to accept that we have the right to say no.  Looking back at my own life, my life would have been easier if I had been able to say no a little more. I am still learning.  Saying no is not a rejection, saying no is not about being selfish.  Saying no when we really want to and need to say no, is being honest. Saying no, or not choosing a reply out of obligation, when I cannot seem to say yes is listening to the universe. It is listening to the genuine voice inside.  Saying no is as good as saying yes.  This can be liberating for us as well as the people around us.  Who knows if agreeing with the desires of others will be for their benefit?

...

May love and light always be with you.

Zeynep

Affirmation of the Week, From Louise Hay:

“ I love my heart.

My heart lovingly carries joy throughout my body, nourishing the cells. Joyous new ideas are now circulating freely within me.  I am the joy of life, expressing and receiving.  I now choose thoughts that create an ever-joyous now. It is safe to be alive at every age.  I radiate love in every direction, and my whole life is a joy.  I love with my heart.  I love and appreciate my beautiful heart!”

Brussels, Lions and What Cello Brings

I went to Brussels for the second time this fall. The first time was more than 23 years ago.  I had spent one afternoon and one night as was going to New York for my third year in college.  I had found a cheap ticket on a flight with Sabena Airlines, which no longer exists.  Belgium now has a Brussels Airlines I believe, but I never used it. On that one August evening twenty three years ago, Brussels had seemed quite safe, quiet and friendly.  This September, Brussels to my surprise, seemed less safe, a lot less safe.

...

I was going to Brussels to attend the Lions Clubs International’s 58. Europa Forum.  Last year it was held in Maastricht, The Netherlands and next year the yearly European gathering of Lions Clubs Members in Europe will be held in Istanbul.  Since this year I am the vice-council secretary of the Lions Turkish Council, I wanted to be there as a Lion, but also Belgium was one of the few countries in Europe that I had been in only once.  I wanted to see the new Brussels as well.

This summer I had been to China for the first time and I had felt quite unsafe in this huge country.  Strangely, I felt the same “uneasiness” in Brussels.  Strange. The ‘de facto’ capital of the European Union seems to have turned into a city where you need to be careful.  Careful to make sure you watch and protect your purse, your wallet, your phone, whatever you may be carrying.  In a split second you may lose your passport and all your important belongings.  I had not seen so frequent “pick-pocket” incidents in a long time.  About 25-30 years ago, every time we visited Italy, we would be told to be very careful and I had tried to be a little bit more careful in Italy, a country that I really love to go to.

I had been in hundreds of taxis around the world.  In Europe taking a taxi is usually a trouble free experience.  Usually. In Brussels, it was less frequent to meet a decent taxi driver.  I do not speak Dutch, I speak some French.  However I do not choose to speak French if I do not really have to.   Still, I was happy to be able to understand one of the languages spoken in the Belgium.  

When I go to a country and a city that I do not know well, I always buy a book about the place and a map beforehand.  To be able to move around a city comfortable, I need a map.  My mind needs a map.  And I had a map of Brussels that I bought in Istanbul with from day one.  I also got a more practical city map from the hotel I was staying at as well. 

So almost every time I go in a taxi in Brussels, I knew where I was and where I was going and the approximate distances.  Brussels is a city you can walk and discover in a couple of hours, but my mind still wants a map and I do not fight with that need any more.  In four days I was in Brussels, I saw taxi drivers who tried to convince me that there were fixed minimal rates for certain destinations, that of course did not exit and lucky that I knew did not exits.  I met taxi drivers who tried to take unreasonably long routes to places that I had gone three or four times before from other and cheaper routes.  It was very strange to see what taxi drivers in Brussels were willing to do to get two, three, five Euros more from their clients.  It did not feel like Europe. I found myself scolding drivers and getting out of taxis in the middle of the roads.  I only had the trouble of changing couple of taxis and maybe paying extra 5-10 Euros, but some Turkish Lions Clubs members attending the Lions Europa Forum were not as lucky.  One lady even had her handbag stolen at the lobby of the four star hotel we were staying in.  The hotel management showed us the signs that they had put in the lobby to warn customers about the theft problem in Brussels, which we had not been aware of before the theft.  I am not sure if this is a result of the Economical problems in the EU or about Brussels changing after being the capital of Europe, but certainly Brussels is not the sweet and peaceful city that I liked and wanted to visit again this September.  The weather was amazing. It was sunny and warm, without a drop of rain, which I was told was to be expected any day in the Fall.

I had one positive encounter with an old Tunisian taxi driver.  As I got in his cab, we started to talk in French.  I am never confident with my French.  But this sweet old man convinced me to carry on talking and we had a wonderful talk for about twenty minutes.  As I was getting out of the taxi, he gave me a very gentle smile and told me that I did well.  I found myself smiling back.  I was talking only in French for twenty minutes and we had talked about our countries, families, politics and more. 

...

The Lions Europa Forum that I attended in Brussels was really great. There were very interesting sessions on service projects in Europe, as well as Leadership trainings.  Every year different competitions for the youth take place at the Lions Europa Forums.  One of them is the Lions European Music Competition.  This year’s instrument was the cello.  And I am very proud to announce that a young Turkish cellist Dorukhan Doruk got the first place where 18 countries were competing.  Dorukhan really is an amazing musician and very smart, kind hearted and a very well-mannered young man.  In the 21 year history of this music competition, for the first time a winner played with his instrument with an orchestra, The European Symphony Orchestra, at the closing ceremony of the forum to about 1500 people. His performance ended with a standing ovation.   I could not help but think of Benyamin Sonmez, a very talented cellist from Fethiye that we lost in 2011 at the age of 28.  As most of you know, our town of Fethiye organised its first Classical Music Festival in his honour with the complete support of official and non-governmental organizations in Fethiye. Cello was an instrument that I was not very familiar with. Dorukhan Doruk and Benyamin Sonmez put this instrument in my awareness that is hard to diminish or take back. 

For more information on Dorukhan Doruk: www.dorukhandoruk.com and for information on Fethiye Classical Music Festival, which I hope will continue in the coming years:  www.festiyefest.com.

...

I met many old Lion friend from different parts of Europe in Brussels.  Especially dear friends from Romania, The Netherlands, Austria and from the headquarters of Lions Clubs International in the US.  I had the chance to see Lions Clubs International’s Past International President Dr. Wing-Kun Tam, from Hong Kong China, whom I had the honour of meeting in İzmir last year.  We had met in Busan, Korea as well this summer, but only shortly.  Of course, our current Lions International President Mr. Wayne Madden was also in Brussels.  Dorukhan Doruk received his music award from International President Mr. Madden.

...

My dentist in Istanbul is a wonderful lady from Belgium.  And many friends from different parts of Belgium.  I have always loved their friendly, down to earth but gentle attitude.  If I return to Belgium, I hope it will be to visit friends.  Like almost every piece of land on the planet, life feels safer and happier among friends.

With love and light.

Zeynep

Quote of the Week:

“Reality is always kinder than the stories we tell about it.”

-          Byron Katie, “Loving What Is”

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “I attract only healthy relationships.  I am always treated well.”

When Nothing Brings Peace...

When nothing brings peace to my mind and heart, Rumi does.

When I want to read and keep walking among my bookshelves and cannot allow myself to let go to any one of them, I pick a book on Rumi, of Rumi.

He is the light that feels so familiar, so gentle and true.

God bless those who are able to share and spread Mevlana’s light, who are able to stay true to his soul.  Coleman Barks is surely one of them.

This week’s words are from Mevlana Celaleddin Rumi:

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Having Nothing

Whatever comes, comes from a need,

a sore distress, a hurting want.

Mary’s pain made the baby Jesus

Her womb opened its lips

and spoke the Word.

Every part of you has a secret language.

Your hands and your feet say what you have done.

Every need brings in what’s needed.

Pain bears its cure like a child.

Having nothing produces provisions.

Ask a difficult question,

and the marvellous answer appears.

Build a ship, and there will be water

to float it. The tender-throated infant cries,

and milk drips from the mother’s breast.

Be thirsty for the ultimate water.

Then be ready for what will come

pouring from the spring.

*

Mirror and Face

We are the mirror as well as the face in it.

We are tasting the taste this minute

of eternity.  We are pain and what cures pain, both.

We are the sweet cold water

and the jar that pours.

*

The Breeze at Dawn

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.

                Don’t go back to sleep.

You must ask for what you really want.

                Don’t go back to sleep.

People are going back and forth across the doorsill

                where the two worlds touch.

The door is round and open.

                Don’t go back to sleep.

*

Majesty and Helplessness

Always check your inner state

with the lord of your heart.

Copper does not know it’s copper

until it is changing into gold.

Your loving does not know its majesty,

until it knows its helplessness.

*

The Sacred Liquid

Are you jealous of the ocean’s generosity?

Why would you refuse to give

this gift to anyone?

Fish don’t hold the sacred liquid in cups.

They swim the huge fluid freedom.

...

May the Divine lead us all to our true paths.  May we be surrounded by love and light.

Zeynep

Quote of the Week:

“Talents are common; everyone has them.  But rare is the courage to follow our talents where they lead.”

-          Anonymous

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “I do something new – or at least different – every day.”

Questions, Answers, and the Need to Let Go

It is late in the evening and I better go to sleep.  I have quite a busy day tomorrow.  As I was about to go to sleep, I decided to check my emails and there was a photo waiting for me. A photo from California, from San Diego.  One photo was enough to keep me awake for more.

...

In the past ten twelve years, I learned quite a number of personal development and complementary healing techniques.  Always I try them on myself, for myself thoroughly first.  May be for that reason I am fonder of techniques that we are able to use on our own and for ourselves.  For example, with the Japanese healing energy technique Reiki you can give healing energy to yourself as well as others. However, there are other Japanese healing energies with which you can give to others as much as you want, but to receive the same energy you need another person to give it to you.   And I respect the Masters who made it possible for us to channel those frequencies as well.  However, I like the concept of self-sufficiency in self-healing.

After I am convinced that a technique works on me, I then try it on volunteer family members and friends.  Regardless of the certificates and qualifications, I need to use and see the positive results of a technique before using it on a client.  When there is no speck of a doubt, I am able to focus on a client more completely.

My students and clients sometimes ask me how I am able to know about their problems, difficulties and questions without them telling me.  A lot of them wonder if I am reading their minds.   Then I ask them how I knew about some issues that they discovered after our sessions.  Then, they are convinced that this is not about mind reading. 

From the perspective of the world of energy, no information is or can be hidden in the world.  All information is always open for access all of the time.  Yes, you can know whether I am honest or not, whether I am rich or poor regardless of how I dress or which cars I seem to be driving, whether the business deal that I am trying to convince you to sign is good or bad for you.  All of the answers to all of our questions are here with us.  And actually we know this as well.  Don’t we keep saying, “Actually I knew there was something wrong with that contract when I was signing it, but since I could not get my hands on any counter evidence, I thought I was being too sceptical and signed it anyway.  But I knew there was something fishy.” ...  I have heard so many similar sentences.  Most of the time when we meet a person, regardless of his or her titles and appearances, don’t we know if a person is honest, to be trusted?  

The more we listen to our intuition, the more answers we get.  And the more we act listening to our intuition, the clearer our messages get.  The universe seems to check one thing.  When we receive an information, whether it is that a friend of yours is having a tough time at work or whether one of your employees is cheating on his wife or whether your cousin is going to have a divorce even though she hides her problems and pretends to have a ‘perfect’ marriage, what do we do with that information?  The answer is what the universe seems to care about.  Do you know and care about your boundaries as well as others’?  Do you use the information that you receive?  How do you use it?  Do you know when to act and when not to?  Because sometimes we are given an information, a hunch just to observe. Just to know.  What we do with what we get determines how much information we will be given next by our intuition, by life, by the universe.

 

As we learn better to understand the messages, comes the responsibility of the message.

And may be living with that responsibility is the most difficult of all. 

Because certainly there comes a day when I am faced with a situation where I find myself asking if had done the best I can to help a person.  Whether if it was enough or not.  There comes a day when I am not convinced that I had done my best even if I did the best I could.  Is doing the best I can enough?  There comes a day when I question whether I was indeed as careful with personal boundaries and freedom of choice as I wished. 

After countless days of clarity, one day I may be really in the fog, I may be in the dark.

And that is exactly when I need to remind myself “to let go and to let God.”  When we need to trust that light and the answers are always here with us whether we can see them or not.

To love. To let go. To trust.

...

I received a photo from San Diego tonight.  It kept me awake a little more. We are in the first hours of a Tuesday in İstanbul; it is still a Monday in San Diego.  And this new day is the day my father was born 85 years ago.  Call it a coincidence, the photo from San Diego tells the story of a daughter and a father that is just beginning.  I will let the details of that story stay with me tonight. But I will send my thanks to California for reminding me to send blessings to all daughters and fathers, wherever they may be. May all be surrounded with love and light.

Zeynep

Quote of the Week:

“Paradise is being able to say at that moment: ‘I made some mistakes, but I wasn’t a coward.  I lived my life and did what I had to do.”

-          Paulo Coelho, Aleph

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “Life provides all of my need in great abundance.  I trust life.”

A Time, A Place, Istanbul, Korea, Soldiers and More

At the end of last summer when I was in London for the last time, I was sure I was going to be in London for the Olympic Games this summer.  As it turned out I wasn’t.  Actually I even barely found the time to watch the games.  The Turkish team was represented by 114 athletes in 16 sports in London, 66 women and 48 men.  This was the game Turkey was represented by the highest number of women athletes.  This surely is a good sign.  However, the difficulties women are facing in Turkey are not diminishing.

I was in Seoul, Korea for the first time in June this year and as I was visiting the National Museum of Korea, I could not be but surprised that a special exhibition “Emperors In Istanbul, The Civilizations of Turkey” had opened in addition to the permanent collection.  I would be in Seoul for only two days and I found the chance to see very important historical artefacts from our history and from Istanbul.  Some of them I had seen for many times at the Topkapi Palace or Istanbul Archeology Museum, but so many more of them, I was seeing for the first time in Seoul. I was surprised, happy and also impressed by the way the exhibition was put together at this National Museum.

A few years ago I had found myself discovering the close relationship between Japan and Turkey through the tragic story of the Ottoman Ship Ertugrul.  And now I was discovering in quite coincidental ways the relationship between Korea and Turkey.  May be there only two important sites where Turkish soldiers are buried in the Far East.  One of them is in Japan and the other one is in Korea.  And in the last two years I find myself visiting our soldiers in both of them in the most unexpected ways.

 

Life seems to coordinate the paths and take me there.  This special exhibition on Turkey was organized to honour and celebrate the 55^th anniversary of the friendship and close diplomatic relations between Korea and Turkey since the Korean War, in which Turkey had provided military support to Korea from 1950 to 1953.  Over 1000 Turkish soldiers lost their lives in Korea in that War and are still resting there.

I had not planned to see this exhibition as I had not planned to visit the UN cemetery where our Turkish soldiers are resting in Busan in Korea, on the specific day that the soldiers who lost their lives in the Korean War are honoured and commemorated in Korea.  But I was there, in Busan, on June 25^th, 2012.  I was praying for them there when whole of Korea was praying for them as well. 

Life surely has its special order when it comes to times and places.

We might think that we go to a certain city or country because we want to or choose to.  The way I see it now, this is a much more complicated process.  A process we are not usually aware of. 

And exactly for that reason when we need to go to a place that we do not want, we start complaining.  Sometimes we plan to go a city for a business trip. Then we are told we cannot go.  We feel we have been cheated.  We sign up for a tour, then the trip is cancelled and we are dismal. We wanted something, it did not happen, and surely this must be something bad.  Right? 

The reasons we believe things are happening or not happening for might create heaven or hell for us.  We are out of the group for the business trip to Italy and we criticize ourselves for not being good enough to be chosen to go, or we start complaining about how thoughtless and unappreciative our manager, who is not taking as we the company group, is.  It is just not that simple.  Your manager might indeed in unappreciative of your efforts, but he or she still might be making the best decision for you.

When something does not seem to be happening as planned, there are two options.  Either we have to push harder and/or find a way to make it happen or it is not supposed to happen and/or we are supposed to give up or do something else.  Understanding which one we are faced with can make a great difference in our happiness and success.  As work with hundreds of different people in my coaching and consulting work, I realize that main bulk of the work that we do is about understanding this very concept.

...

There is a time for everything, a time to go, a time to come.  There is time to know.  And sometimes the universe will want us to sit and wait and do nothing.  All are a gift, as life is.

I chose a card from the “Saints & Angels” Oracle Cards of Doreen Virtue.  The card of “Sweetness” came.  This message is from our Guardian Angels for this week.  The message is about noticing and enjoying life more.  It is about trusting that the support of the spiritual world will be with us if we choose to lower our defences.  Life does toughen us up at times, yet we need to connect with the sweetness of life, with our sweetness to enjoy life.  And our relationships need that sweetness to, through speaking with love, of love, through being kind and generous.

May your days be filled with love and light.

Have a great week.

Zeynep

Zeynep.Kocasinan@gmail.com

http://www.zeynepkocasinanenglish.blogspot.com/

*

Quote of the Week:

“As you teach so will you learn.  If that is true, and it is true indeed, do not forget that what you teach is teaching you.”

-          From  Course in Miracles

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “The Law of Attraction brings only good into my life.”