During my
energy healing and coaching work, a lot of questions come about
relationships. I have been in a marriage
for seven years and I have been single for over seven years now. I am not an expert on relationships, yet I
have seen enough to be able to realize some of the patterns that bring a man
and a woman together closely or separate them.
We cannot
force relationships to work, but our thoughts and actions have the power to
make a difference. I have not been able
to keep my marriage together, however I was able to conclude a relationship
that was not supporting for me or for my ex-husband. I do not have regrets. And I am realizing that, that feeling is also
very important. All relationships may
not be for forever, however I also see that there are many relationships that
have true love at their core and deserve better care.
There is a
book that has been around for over twenty years. “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by
John Gray. This is a book is a great
tool to have a better understanding of the world of men and women. And it is still as valid as it was the day it
was published in 1992.
I think I
read Dr. Gray’s book for the first time in 1993 after I came back to Turkey
from Cornell University. Of course, that
Zeynep had a much different point of view of the world and life. Since then, I must have read this book and
John Gray’s other books in the series many times. Like many of the good books, I find something
new in it for me every time I read it.
“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is one of the books that I definitely
recommend you to read if you haven’t already.
“Conversations with God”, “Celestine Prophecy” and “Peaceful Warrior” are
other three must reads if you are interested in energy, personal development
tools or an honest sharing about spirituality.
...
What does
John Gray share that is so important about relationships?
One very
important information is that in a
relationship we usually give others what we need ourselves. And that most
of the time that does that serve none of the parties involved well. It’s like Don Miguel Ruiz says, “Don’t take
it personally.” What we say or do is
mostly about us even if we try to make it look like it is about our
partner. Most of it is subconscious.
If we are
not aware of our own needs as well as the specific and unique needs of our
partner, we start to hurt ourselves and the other, even if we are being honest,
true, giving, gentle and loving towards are partner. When things are not going well, we are at a
loss as to what happened. Understanding that we might be giving our partner what
actually we ourselves need is a very simple and huge concept. A concept that we really need to understand.
I recommend
John Gray’s suggestions on what can make our relationships work. However, I
also definitely want to share that we need to start with a relationship we are
interested in and that we are committed to.
If there is not true love under the core, all of the approaches will
turn into manipulation. His tools are
not to win a person, but to be able to make it work with a person we are
interested in and who is also interested in us.
The information he shares is more about understanding ourselves and our
partner and making use of that information to make both of us happy.
...
“Loving
What Is” is a great book by Byron
Katie. I really like her work. The healing process she uses is in fact
called “The Work.” Check out www.thework.com for more information on how to heal
relationships. She makes us question the
hidden thoughts and motives behind our thoughts and assumptions. We seem to be living with the stories we
write about what is happening in our lives.
The reality might be different.
And sometimes it is not easy to deal with the feelings of anger, that we
feel for others and even more for ourselves.
Master
Thich Nhat Hanh recommends a walking meditation when angry. In this meditation, he recommends to keep in
mind and/or say the following sentences that are both acknowledgement of what
is and also are affirmations:
(Breathing in,) I know that anger is here.
(Breathing out,) I know that the
anger is me.
(Breathing in,) I know that anger is unpleasant.
(Breathing out,) I know this feeling will pass.
(Breathing in,) I am calm.
(Breathing out,) I am strong
enough to take care of this anger.
And to
continue to walk, breathing in and out, saying these words, and focusing on the
moment, on the steps, giving full focus to the contact between the souls of the
feet and the earth. He assures that we
will start to enjoy our breathing, that our anger will subside and that we will
feel stronger to face life. Indeed,
an
ger I believe usually arises when we do not feel strong enough to cope with
what comes our way.
May your
days be filled with love, compassion and trust.
Zeynep
Quote of the Week:
“Adventure is not outside; it is within.”
-
David Grayson
Affirmation of the Week:
From Louise L. Hay: “When I
encounter problems on the job, I am willing to ask for help.”
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