Change

I have been listening mainly to one song for the last two, three weeks.  I listen to the radio in my car in Istanbul and in Fethiye there is a CD that I have been listening to for the whole of last year.   However, in the last three weeks regardless of which city or town I was in, there was only one song for me.  Leonard Cohen’s “Hallelujah.”

This happens to me sometimes. I seem to find comfort in the words, sounds or the frequencies of one particular song that I keep playing over and over again.  I listened to various versions of this song and Jeff Buckley’s is the one I keep listening to.

And I cannot help but think and wonder why I did not go to the concerts that Leonard Cohen gave in İstanbul in the last few years.  I knew about the concerts.  I knew his songs, but for some reason I had not listened to “Hallelujah” up until a month ago.  Then I heard three different versions of this song one after the other by coincidence.  “Hallelujah” changed Leonard Cohen for me.  That song made me feel what Cohen is all about. Especially through Jeff Buckley’s voice.

I remember that I had a similar but more intense experience about 8 years ago. I kept listening to one song over and over  for two or three weeks right after my Dad passed away.  I kept listening to the same song. Again over and over.  And I also painted. I painted with the same set of tones of blue, listening to the same song, until I could not anymore. Then first the colours, then my music changed.

There are many ways to heal ourselves. There are many techniques.  Sometimes all we need is the frequency of a song washing our body and soul.

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A friend of mine posed a question a few days ago. His question was “Why do we change if we ever do?” His follow up question was “Do we ever realize and admit that we are wrong, and how often do we do that?”  With these simple questions in a group discussion I found myself looking back.  Surely I did change my life of forty something years. Why did I change when I did? Not only where I live, what I do for a living changed, but also what I believe in, my inner world also changed quite dramatically.

What made me change the most? The main reason was probably pain.  The pain of the not so pleasant experiences of my life.  I changed because the way I was did not work for me. I also changed because of my regrets of the pain that I caused in other people’s lives.  It is not easy to accept that we could be the reason for the sadness and disappointment in other people’s lives.

And what made me change even more drastically was seeing people whom I have hurt - mostly unknowingly, but who did not seem to have any resentment or anger for me.  The people who let themselves be hurt by me until I discovered what I am doing. They taught me the most.

I am listening to “Hallelujah” again tonight. I realize that two days ago, as I was listening to the same song from my laptop computer in my living room in Arnavutköy in İstanbul, it was difficult to hear the music.  The sound of the traffic at the Bosphorus, the sounds of the boats, the sounds of the big city, the hum had made it difficult to hear, even with my windows closed.  And I had thought that the sound system of my computer was not good enough.  I had thought the recording was probably not good enough as well.  Two nights later in Fethiye, suddenly the same music from the same computer is almost too loud.  Hallelujah.

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Living in two cities simultaneously makes me continuously aware of differences. In the weather, in sounds and colours, in relationships, in friendships, in what is meaningful. The list goes on.  So much is different between Fethiye and İstanbul, and so much is different in my lives there.  I travel at least once a week; sometimes I find myself in airplanes five or six times in one week.  I am not exactly in the position of the famous CEO who gave his most permanent address as 3D, his favourite and most common spot in the plane.  But routines are almost non-existent in my life.  Something is always changing. But, when life is constantly changing, what happens to me?  Does this allow me to change, does this make me change or resist change?

I found some of the answers to those questions in NLP.  Not all, but surely some. Those of you who are familiar with NLP Neuro-Linguistic Programming and meta models/meta programs will remember who all of us have different sets of inherent inner rules or rather codes that we seem to use as we steer our lives. Some of feel safer and happier when things are continuously chancing and someone of would rather have the same dish at the same restaurant at the same time of every week.  There is no right or wrong way of being.  And once we discover the thinking and belief system that we use to operate, then we can start to use our mind to create new programs, to ways to respond and act.  Hopely to make our lives happier and more satisfying.

I would like to share about NLP in the coming weeks.  If used with proper caution and understanding, NLP can be very effective in discovering the true positive power of our minds.

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Finally I will end by sharing some quotes from a tiny yellow pocket book that I received as a gift.  “The Little Book of Confidence” by Susan Jeffers.  Some are more easy said then done; however, maybe the power of these words do make it easier. Here are some of her suggestions:

-          The Higher Self:  Inside you is a place filled with joy, creativity, intuition, peace, power, love and all good things.  I call it the Higher Self.  Whenever in this place, your confidence soars and all seems right with the world.

-          The Lower Self:  Inside you is also a place filled with self-doubt, fear, anger, helplessness, scarcity and all negative things.  This is the Lower Self.  Whenever in this place, your confidence disappears, and all seems wrong with the world.

-          Lower-Self Thinking is a Habit:  Yes, Lower-Self thinking is only a habit.  The good news is that habits can be broken. By practicing a Higher-Self way of thinking, your fear diminishes and your confidence rises.

-          Become a Higher-Self Thinker:  Your task is set before you... It is to take the steps necessary to become a Higher-Self thinker.  Many of these steps are embodied in this little book of confidence. (ZK: Of course I will not be sharing all of Susan Jeffers’ suggestions here, but doesn’t even just focusing on love, peace, love and our positive experiences make us enjoy life more? Isn’t self-acceptance is one of the measures of inner happiness?)

-          Say ‘Yes’ To It All:  Real positive thinking is saying YES even to the fear and pain – realizing you will always get to the other side. And when you reach the other side, you notice your confidence has grown enormously.

-          You Can Handle It All: As you continue pushing through fear and doing it anyway, you learn to trust your ability to handle whatever life may hand you. Trust me on this one!

...

Thank you Susan.

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I wish all you joyful days in March. Best wishes,

Zeynep

Quote of the Week:

“As you teach so will you learn. If that is true, and it is true indeed, do not forget that what you teach is teaching you.”               

                                                                                                              From Course in Miracles

Affirmation of the Week:

“Everything that happens in my life is for the best.”

2012, A Time for the Body

I am not an expert on body work.   In high school I was in the track team, but I cannot say I was very good.  I had a couple of injuries and although I was a very fast sprinter, I never got to live my love of running. 

I always loved dancing.  In college I would dance for hours, especially on Saturday nights when life at Cornell University gave me a short break.  I started to do Yoga and body building seriously when I was in college.  I was very healthy and fit when I graduated from college.

I returned to Turkey after college.  I was planning to stay for a masters degree in engineering.  However, my father had been ill since his by-pass surgery during my sophomore year and he needed support at our family construction company.  After I returned to Turkey, I worked almost nonstop for eight nine years.  Then I was not that well anymore.  I had various problems with my health as well as many problems with my husband.  My father and mother were experiencing serious health problems, too.  Everything looked good on the outside.  Business was good.  I was married, travelling around the world although for much shorter times since I was working very hard, driving very nice cars.  I was able to buy and do more or less all that I wanted.  I was also helping a lot of people during those years.  Giving financial help was what I knew to do.   Today I have a little different understanding of helping another person.  We learn best my doing and especially by making mistakes.  However, maybe what I did then protected me during the couple very dark years that followed.

Anyway. My path led me to energy work and various healing methods.  I never looked for a method to heal myself or my life.  As l looked for healing methods to help others, I was to discover a whole new way of life for myself.  At all phases of my life there were people who told me how foolish it is to try to help others.  Surely there were times when I was hurt and betrayed by the people that I helped, however, I believe that trying to help with a pure heart can never truly hurt us.   As long as we know our boundaries. As long as helping does not turn into satisfying our own ego.  Help should be about empowerment. Again, today I have a different of definition of what really helping another means. No one is a victim.

Although I learned many different personal development and healing tools, energy work has always been my favourite.  The more I advanced, I found myself doing less and less body work.  Although I did not have any health problems, at one point I realized that I was losing the awareness of my body and that I was gaining weight.  Gaining weight is a common symptom among many energy healers.  If we are not careful about grounding ourselves, we start to use food and eating as a means for grounding.  Naturally many healers end up gaining weight.

Also, spiritual work is important, but if we have been born on this planet, I believe that it means we need to work with our body, mind and spirit. With spiritual work, it is easy to look down upon material needs and all that is material including the body. I have been doing mental and spiritual work deeply, but not enough body work.  To find a new balance I needed to focus on my body again.  That is when I turned to Louise Hay with a different focus.

Good diet and physical exercise are essential for good health.  Deep awareness of our body is another level of body work.  A topic that I want to start sharing more.  Actually in some of my previous articles I had shared some body affirmations as the affirmations of the week.  Now, I would like to recommend to you using Louise L. Hay’s body awareness affirmations in a systematic manner.  Louise Hay has mapped out the relationship between our though patterns and our health.

-          I always thoroughly use any technique that I recommend to my family, friends and clients.  The body affirmations that I will share will certainly heal and strengthen your body immensely. There are seven affirmations given in this article.  Of course, there are many more for the other parts of our body. 

The way to work with the following affirmations, suggested by Louise L. Hay:

-          Use one affirmation a day in the first round of working with the affirmations.

-          Repeat each affirmation for at least ten times every morning and every evening.

-          Write each affirmation at least ten times every day.

You may also write the affirmation and place it where you can see during the day. The next week, either do another round of the seven affirmations or during the second week every morning look at the seven affirmations and choose that you feel will serve you the most.

Day 1 - Affirmation 1:  I Love My Mind

My mind enables me to recognize the beautiful Miracle of my Body.  I am glad to be alive.  I affirm with my mind that I have the power to heal myself.  My mind chooses the thoughts that create my future moment by moment.  My power comes through the use of my mind. I choose thoughts that make me feel good.  I love and appreciate my beautiful mind.

Day 2 - Affirmation 2:  I Love My Scalp

My scalp is relaxed and peaceful.  It is loose and easy. It provides a nourished bed for my hair. My hair is able to grow freely and luxuriously. I choose the thoughts that massage my scalp with love.  I love and appreciate my beautiful scalp.

Day 3 - Affirmation 3:  I Love My Hair

I trust the process of life to take care of my every need, and I grow strong and peaceful. I relax my scalp and give my beautiful hair room to grow luxuriously. I lovingly groom my hair and choose the thoughts that support its growth and strength. I love and appreciate my beautiful hair.

Day 4 - Affirmation 4:  I Love My Eyes

I have perfect vision.  I see clearly in every direction.  I see with love my past, my present and my future.  My mind chooses the way I look at life.  I see with new eyes. I see good in everyone and everywhere. I now lovingly create the life I love to look at.  I love and appreciate my beautiful eyes.

Day 5 - Affirmation 5:  I Love My Ears

I am balanced and poised and one with all of life. I choose the thoughts that create harmony around me.  I listen with love to the good and the pleasant.  I hear the cry for love that is hidden in everyone’s message. I am willing to understand others, and I have compassion for them.  I rejoice in my ability to hear life. I have a receptive capacity of mind.  I am willing to hear.  I love and appreciate my beautiful ears.

Day 6 - Affirmation 6:  I Love My Nose

I am at peace with everyone around me. No person, place, or thing has any power over me.  I am the power and authority in my world.  I choose the thoughts that recognize my own true worth.  I recognize my own intuitive ability.  I trust my intuition, for I am always in contact with Universal Wisdom and Truth.  I always go in the right direction for me.  I love and appreciate my beautiful nose.

Day 7 - Affirmation 7:  I Love My Mouth

I nourish myself by taking in new ideas.  I prepare new concepts for digestion and assimilation.  I make decisions with ease based upon the principles of Truth. I have a good taste for life. I choose the thoughts that enable me to speak with love. I speak up for myself, secure in my own true worth.  I love and appreciate my beautiful mouth.

In the coming weeks, I will share more of Louise Hay’s body affirmations for better health and a happier life.

May love and light always be with you.

Zeynep

Quote of the Week:

“The greatest discovery of my generation is that a human being can alter his life by altering his attitude.”

                                                                                                              By William James

Mindfulness and a Peaceful and Happy Way to Be

Talk about synchronicity.  I was reading a book on Thich Nhat Hanh.  As I was reading the sentence “For him, a ringing telephone is a signal to call us back to our true selves” in the “Editor’s Introduction” section of the book, the phone rang.  Not one sentence before, not after.  At that short part of a second that I finished the sentence.  I found myself smiling more deeply as I had been smiling for sometime as I was re-reading this book on mindfulness and personal peace on this warm and sunny morning.  

The call was from a client who had not been in contact with me for over a year.  At the time she had been having problems with her husband.  Her condition had improved, but lately I had been wondering how she was. This time she was calling me to refer a friend of hers to me.

So many women are in conflict with their husbands.  It is tough to see people suffer.  Some of these women are with men who are totally abusive, but they still choose to stay with them.  Surviving as a single woman and even more as a single mother is not easy; and some choose the abuse instead of the difficulties of surviving alone.  Unfortunately families in Turkey a lot of the time demand the women to try to make it work.  Especially if they have kids.  There are many couples who are able to make it if they are able to reach an understanding about their problems.  However, this requires both parties to take responsibility and to work on themselves.

Some women are unwilling to accept the fact that they cannot change another person and also that they do not have the right to change their spouse.  They spend their lives trying to change their husbands and partners who do not have any desire to change. Life gets tough if we want everyone to act, to think and to choose as we want them to.  We only have the right and the ability to change ourselves. 

I work with many women, of all ages.  I work with men as well, a lot fewer though. There are very few men who go to a coach or a healer to heal their relationships with their wives or children.  Most of the men that I work with come to work on their careers and their responsibility to provide for themselves and their families.  A smaller number of men I work with have very serious health problems. Most of the rest are trying to deal with the loss of a loved one. According to my experience, the reasons men and women turn to self-development or healing are quite different.  Men and women are different in so many ways.

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The Dalai Lama says “Although attempting to bring about world peace through the internal transformation of individuals is difficult, it is the only way.”   Like many great Buddhist masters Thich Nhat Hanh focuses his teachings on mindful living, on mindfulness.  He teaches about conscious breathing and awareness of breath, especially as a tool to be mindful of each moment, of each act in our lives.  Like one of my own teachers Paracha, Thich Nhat Hanh also brings into our attention the importance of smiling.  I am a firm believer in smiling and in the power of a smile.  The chemistry of our body changes as we smile.  Our body relaxes.  As we smile, the changes that happen in our body clear away our worries and tiredness.  In Vipassana meditations, most masters want us to keep a smile on our face while we are focusing on our five senses and/or focusing on our body and organs.

Thich Nhat Hanh in all his teachings reminds us that we do not need a special time or a place to meditate.  As long as we can breathe and smile, we are able to tap into the energy of self-awareness and internal power.  I will admit that when I had just started to meditate, I would be upset about the dog that barked outside, or the music that did not seem appropriate for the mood, or the heat, or the cushion or the chair.  It was hard to accept what is, to embrace the moment. 

Of course, now I know the tricks that we use in order not to listen to our heart and soul.  We create so many distractions.  We are magicians when it comes to finding ways to stop ourselves.  And I also discovered that the only way to pass through those phases is to live through them.  To be upset and to continue to try to meditate.  To be angry and to continue.  To find it useless and to continue.  Then came a time when I could be in the middle of a traffic jam in Istanbul, and I would be able to smile and watch life as if in slow motion.  Then came a time when I would be on the escalator in a crowded shopping mall and the moment I started to consciously observe my breathing, the colours around me would brighten and I would start to hear my thoughts clearly as if all of the noise around me has been filtered out.

Trainings of different breathing techniques are very popular in Turkey for the past couple of years.  My brother Yaman is a breathing coach.  I personally have not advanced in that area.  For me, I found it enough to strengthen my awareness of my breathing.  Most of us when are afraid or excited stop to breath. Literally.  Just to be aware of how you react to different emotions in your breathing can make a big difference in how you live those emotions as well as in your health.  With the help of breathing, we can transform our feelings.

Breathing is always with us.  It is not a goal to be reached. It is not something to be completed. Not something to be overcome or to be left behind.  Breathing is with us, always and constantly.   It is about just being, just doing.  Continuous, essential and natural and effortless at the same time.  Breathing keeps us alive, helps us renew our body, helps us connect with the air, with nature.

Meditation is about creating a space to receive information that was not apparent with our busy minds.  Meditation is about slowing down our brain waves.  It is about relaxation and tapping into peacefulness.

One of my favourite meditations is the walking meditation.  To walk just to walk and to be in the moment.  Not giving importance or attention to the destination.  Such a free feeling.

These are the thoughts and feelings that Vietnamese Zen Master and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh brought to my mind and heart. Some may call him a monk; some call him a great bodhisattva.  I call him like many great masters a “master of light.”

May our days be filled with many moments of love and light.

Zeynep

Affirmation of the Week, From Louise Hay:

“ I Love My Ankles

My ankles give me mobility and direction. I release all fear and guilt.  I accept pleasure with ease.  I move in the direction of my highest good.  I choose the thoughts that bring me pleasure and joy into my life.  I am flexible and flowing.  I love and appreciate my beautiful ankles.”

The Placebo Effect?

Today I was talking about Reiki with some friends.  I was talking about how real the effects of Reiki are even though they are hard to prove.  How one has to experience the effects to believe in the power of the Japanese healing energy Reiki.  How the healing effects of Reiki is not a placebo effect.  I was talking about how I have seen Reiki work on people who do not believe in Reiki at all.  And this evening as I am re-reading a book an American friend of mine from Cornell University had recommended me a couple months ago, I am thinking that the healing power of Reiki is not a placebo effect, but also that the power of our thinking is an amazing healing tool.  I am reading about an experiment that was done in 1979.  The results of the experiment as amazing as they were 33 years ago.

This experiment was done on a group of 75 year old men.  These men spent a week at a retreat centre.  They were not allowed to bring any pictures, books or many documents that was dated later than 1959, twenty years earlier than the year of the experiment.  Even the ID cards they used had their photos of when they were 55 years old or younger.  The newspapers or books they were allowed to read where from 1959.  Their clothes and the decoration of the retreat centre were also like they used to be twenty years ago.

These men were tested for various bodily functions before and after this one-week long experiment.  Other people were shown these men’s before and after the experiment photos and according to the ratings, on average they looked three years younger after the experiment.  Their eyesight was measured to improve by ten percent on average after the experiment.  Their memory test performances also improved by ten percent.  In one week.  Isn’t it amazing?  Is this not a sign of the amazing power of the mind?

NLP Neuro Linguistic Programming is a personal development approach developed by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in 1970s.  It is one of the most well known techniques in the world.   It is quite popular among life coaches as well.  NLP is about understanding and using our mind to control and improve our lives.  And similar to Reiki, it is not possible to scientifically prove the effectiveness of NLP. There are many books on NLP and you can find a lot of free material on the internet as well.  I use NLP as one of the tools in my sessions.  I usually choose to use a couple techniques together.  I think NLP is one of the tools that we can use on our own very effectively.  To be aware of the fact that we have a control panel in our minds and even though there might be things in life that we cannot change, there are many that we can influence and change immensely.  Also, that we have automatic responses to what we see, hear and experience, and most of these mental responses have been programmed by our previous experiences.  Some of these automatic responses might be serving us, some of them might be stopping us.  Understanding and positively shaping the way we think does bring about healing, health and happiness.  I will write about NLP more in the coming weeks.  It is not as popular as it used to be, but it is worth looking into.

Reiki, NLP, EFT Emotional Freedom Technique are some of the personal development and healing tools that I use. There are many more.  Yet, the most important thing I believe is to think constructively.  To be aware of the problems, but work to overcome them, to go around them, to continue with life.  The more we concentrate on the problems, the harder it becomes to find solutions. I have seen it happen so many times like you also must have seen.  In coaching we have an agreement.  When we start to work with a client, we start with setting an intention for the coaching process and the session.  The intention needs to be a positively stated sentence.  “I want to fight less with my husband” is not a valid intention for us.  We go on to work with the client to clarify what it is that she really wants to experience with her husband. Fighting less is usually never enough. “I want my husband to show me more attention” is also not a valid intention sentence since we can only control ourselves. Trying to control others becomes manipulation. Then we work together to understand the need behind the words that want the attention.    Setting a goal always gives power.  Setting a positive goal that you really want and believe in makes a big difference.

So my question to you this week is: What do you want?  What do you really want in life?  I do ask myself this question in meditation every couple of months.  I ask and I sit down with a soft music for twenty to thirty minutes, to let the thoughts clarify.  You may also choose to write all of the replies that come to this question every day for a week.  Finding out what I really want has always been the best beginning I ever did.

May your days be filled with joy and happiness.

Zeynep.

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “I am safe when I express my feelings.  I can be serene in any situation.”

Mars and Venus, Men and Women, Loving What Is

During my energy healing and coaching work, a lot of questions come about relationships.  I have been in a marriage for seven years and I have been single for over seven years now.  I am not an expert on relationships, yet I have seen enough to be able to realize some of the patterns that bring a man and a woman together closely or separate them. 

We cannot force relationships to work, but our thoughts and actions have the power to make a difference.  I have not been able to keep my marriage together, however I was able to conclude a relationship that was not supporting for me or for my ex-husband.  I do not have regrets.  And I am realizing that, that feeling is also very important.  All relationships may not be for forever, however I also see that there are many relationships that have true love at their core and deserve better care.

There is a book that has been around for over twenty years.  “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” by John Gray.  This is a book is a great tool to have a better understanding of the world of men and women.  And it is still as valid as it was the day it was published in 1992.

I think I read Dr. Gray’s book for the first time in 1993 after I came back to Turkey from Cornell University.  Of course, that Zeynep had a much different point of view of the world and life.  Since then, I must have read this book and John Gray’s other books in the series many times.  Like many of the good books, I find something new in it for me every time I read it.  “Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus” is one of the books that I definitely recommend you to read if you haven’t already.  “Conversations with God”, “Celestine Prophecy” and “Peaceful Warrior” are other three must reads if you are interested in energy, personal development tools or an honest sharing about spirituality.

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What does John Gray share that is so important about relationships?

One very important information is that in a relationship we usually give others what we need ourselves. And that most of the time that does that serve none of the parties involved well.  It’s like Don Miguel Ruiz says, “Don’t take it personally.”  What we say or do is mostly about us even if we try to make it look like it is about our partner.  Most of it is subconscious.

If we are not aware of our own needs as well as the specific and unique needs of our partner, we start to hurt ourselves and the other, even if we are being honest, true, giving, gentle and loving towards are partner.  When things are not going well, we are at a loss as to what happened. Understanding that we might be giving our partner what actually we ourselves need is a very simple and huge concept.  A concept that we really need to understand.

I recommend John Gray’s suggestions on what can make our relationships work. However, I also definitely want to share that we need to start with a relationship we are interested in and that we are committed to.  If there is not true love under the core, all of the approaches will turn into manipulation.  His tools are not to win a person, but to be able to make it work with a person we are interested in and who is also interested in us.  The information he shares is more about understanding ourselves and our partner and making use of that information to make both of us happy.

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“Loving What Is” is a great book by  Byron Katie.  I really like her work.  The healing process she uses is in fact called “The Work.”  Check out www.thework.com for more information on how to heal relationships.  She makes us question the hidden thoughts and motives behind our thoughts and assumptions.  We seem to be living with the stories we write about what is happening in our lives.  The reality might be different.  And sometimes it is not easy to deal with the feelings of anger, that we feel for others and even more for ourselves.

Master Thich Nhat Hanh recommends a walking meditation when angry.  In this meditation, he recommends to keep in mind and/or say the following sentences that are both acknowledgement of what is and also are affirmations:

                (Breathing in,) I know that anger is here.

                (Breathing out,) I know that the anger is me.

                (Breathing in,)  I know that anger is unpleasant.

                (Breathing out,)               I know this feeling will pass.

                (Breathing in,)  I am calm.

                (Breathing out,) I am strong enough to take care of this anger.

And to continue to walk, breathing in and out, saying these words, and focusing on the moment, on the steps, giving full focus to the contact between the souls of the feet and the earth.  He assures that we will start to enjoy our breathing, that our anger will subside and that we will feel stronger to face life.  Indeed, an

ger I believe usually arises when we do not feel strong enough to cope with what comes our way.

May your days be filled with love, compassion and trust.

Zeynep

Quote of the Week:

“Adventure is not outside; it is within.”

-          David Grayson

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “When I encounter problems on the job, I am willing to ask for help.”

Before We Have To...

I remember listening to Louise Hay once, the lady who made us aware of the mental reasons behind our illnesses and how to heal through affirmations, how to heal by being aware of and by changing our thinking.  She had said that all teachers and healers share the same information, because there can only be one true information.  One true path.  We all share the parts of the path that we are able to see and the methods that help us stay on track.

Yet, listening to some teachers make more sense.  Some of the healing methods work better on us.  I had the chance to meet some exceptional teachers over the years.  Some were exceptional yet I did not feel like their path was fit for me.  I learned through time that it is important to expose myself to new approaches, but also always tostay with which feels fit both for my mind and my heart.

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With every new student, with each new client I find myself asking what I really do believe in when it comes to illness and healing.  I work with many people who have serious health issues, but there are as many if not more people who seem to have many blessings in their lives, but are still not happy, very discontent with their lives. 

In the first years that worked, I had more people come to me who were really ill and were looking ways to improve their lives.  Later on, more and more people started to come to me to change their lives because they did not feel they were headed in a positive direction.  It is hopeful to see that people are looking for ways to change their lives before they make themselves sick.  It is tough and wonderful to be proactive in such a way.  I was not one of them.  I was a part of the former group.

Yes, I am a strong believer of the idea that if we do look into the daily problems in our lives, we will eventually make ourselves sick.  Our subconscious will try to bring our problems in our consciousness by a difficult method that works - through illness. 

If we are proactive, the process of  being aware is faster and easier.  But sometimes life literally knocks us out, to shake us, to awaken us, to make us change.  As a person who has had a tough wake up call, I can say that I admire those you are courageous enough to work on themselves before they really have to. 

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So what do I do?  What helps us to be happier and healthier in life?  One of the important aspects is to unload the “negative” feelings as they arise.  Our spouse shouts at us, or scolds us for a reason – whether he or she has the right or not is another issue – and we want to reply back, however because kids are around, because the mother and father-in-law is around, because you are afraid things will get worse, you stay quiet.  You “swallow” the words as we say it in Turkish.  May be you have done the right thing, but the feelings of anger, disappointment, maybe of resentment are there.  You have not let them out.   In order to stay healthy emotionally, mentally and physically, we need to let out these feels that do not feed us.  

One option is to speak up and let the other person know, but this is not always easy or possible.  We are very unprepared for conflict resolution.  I wish and pray that conflict resolution one day will be a part of the education as a basic life skill.  So, for many people telling how we feel when we are feeling it is not easy.  However, we have to find a way to let that negative energy out.  Unless we release it or clear it, it is hard to feel another emotion.

Listening to music and physical movement such as walking and dancing seems to create a means to clear the energy.  Another method that works very effectively at releasing negative feelings is EFT, Emotional Freedom Technique.

EFT is a technique that is used best to clear negative emotions, emotional residues of past unpleasant events or traumas.  As some of you might know, in EFT we tap into certain point on our head, body and hands while concentrating on our negative feelings to unload our emotional burdens.  This technique that was developed by an engineer Gary Craig has been in use since 1995.  This year Gary and his daughter are making some modifications in the technique and also EFT had been a technique that was freely distributed although there were official trainings and certifications. It seems they want to have more control on the technique and therefore creating new certifications to be an “official” practitioner.

I believe in trainings.  I must have attended close to a hundred including the previous official certification trainings of the Emotional Freedom Technique. I also understand the need to be able to live and survive as a teacher and healer, the need to be paid for your efforts and the knowledge that you created.   Gary Craig seems to experience the negative aspects or sharing information freely.  His old websites are not active anymore and www.garythink.com is his new website where he shares information about EFT.  There are free and purchasable information on this web site.  According to my observation, the “old” EFT techniques are as valid as they used to be.  They work.  If you know how to use EFT, I recommend you to keep on using them.  I will share the additions or changes to EFT that make sense to me in the coming weeks.  I believe in finding what works for you and in keeping using it.  That means to try new approaches, but to trust your heart, to trust your intuition in the healing method. 

Sometimes my clients ask me if certain healing techniques can be used together.  Most of time we can.  For example, we can use EFT Emotional Freedom Technique and use Reiki at the same time to support us during the EFT process.  Or we can use Reiki to help heal the time in the past we are working with EFT. 

Please never, never use a method that you do not feel comfortable with.  Of course, I am not saying you to give in to your fears of change.  Because sometimes we are afraid of the good that awaits us as well.  This is surely not what I am talking about.  I have seen many people who are afraid to physically heal because they have grown so familiar to the life as the “sick person”, they do not know what to do as a person who is not sick anymore.  Many of them realize that sickness is how they have learned to say no without having to say no.  It is unbelievable how so many people use illnesses as an excuse to say no.  

It seems very hard to say no, just to say say. It seems very hard to accept that we have the right to say no.  Looking back at my own life, my life would have been easier if I had been able to say no a little more. I am still learning.  Saying no is not a rejection, saying no is not about being selfish.  Saying no when we really want to and need to say no, is being honest. Saying no, or not choosing a reply out of obligation, when I cannot seem to say yes is listening to the universe. It is listening to the genuine voice inside.  Saying no is as good as saying yes.  This can be liberating for us as well as the people around us.  Who knows if agreeing with the desires of others will be for their benefit?

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May love and light always be with you.

Zeynep

Affirmation of the Week, From Louise Hay:

“ I love my heart.

My heart lovingly carries joy throughout my body, nourishing the cells. Joyous new ideas are now circulating freely within me.  I am the joy of life, expressing and receiving.  I now choose thoughts that create an ever-joyous now. It is safe to be alive at every age.  I radiate love in every direction, and my whole life is a joy.  I love with my heart.  I love and appreciate my beautiful heart!”

Questions, Answers, and the Need to Let Go

It is late in the evening and I better go to sleep.  I have quite a busy day tomorrow.  As I was about to go to sleep, I decided to check my emails and there was a photo waiting for me. A photo from California, from San Diego.  One photo was enough to keep me awake for more.

...

In the past ten twelve years, I learned quite a number of personal development and complementary healing techniques.  Always I try them on myself, for myself thoroughly first.  May be for that reason I am fonder of techniques that we are able to use on our own and for ourselves.  For example, with the Japanese healing energy technique Reiki you can give healing energy to yourself as well as others. However, there are other Japanese healing energies with which you can give to others as much as you want, but to receive the same energy you need another person to give it to you.   And I respect the Masters who made it possible for us to channel those frequencies as well.  However, I like the concept of self-sufficiency in self-healing.

After I am convinced that a technique works on me, I then try it on volunteer family members and friends.  Regardless of the certificates and qualifications, I need to use and see the positive results of a technique before using it on a client.  When there is no speck of a doubt, I am able to focus on a client more completely.

My students and clients sometimes ask me how I am able to know about their problems, difficulties and questions without them telling me.  A lot of them wonder if I am reading their minds.   Then I ask them how I knew about some issues that they discovered after our sessions.  Then, they are convinced that this is not about mind reading. 

From the perspective of the world of energy, no information is or can be hidden in the world.  All information is always open for access all of the time.  Yes, you can know whether I am honest or not, whether I am rich or poor regardless of how I dress or which cars I seem to be driving, whether the business deal that I am trying to convince you to sign is good or bad for you.  All of the answers to all of our questions are here with us.  And actually we know this as well.  Don’t we keep saying, “Actually I knew there was something wrong with that contract when I was signing it, but since I could not get my hands on any counter evidence, I thought I was being too sceptical and signed it anyway.  But I knew there was something fishy.” ...  I have heard so many similar sentences.  Most of the time when we meet a person, regardless of his or her titles and appearances, don’t we know if a person is honest, to be trusted?  

The more we listen to our intuition, the more answers we get.  And the more we act listening to our intuition, the clearer our messages get.  The universe seems to check one thing.  When we receive an information, whether it is that a friend of yours is having a tough time at work or whether one of your employees is cheating on his wife or whether your cousin is going to have a divorce even though she hides her problems and pretends to have a ‘perfect’ marriage, what do we do with that information?  The answer is what the universe seems to care about.  Do you know and care about your boundaries as well as others’?  Do you use the information that you receive?  How do you use it?  Do you know when to act and when not to?  Because sometimes we are given an information, a hunch just to observe. Just to know.  What we do with what we get determines how much information we will be given next by our intuition, by life, by the universe.

 

As we learn better to understand the messages, comes the responsibility of the message.

And may be living with that responsibility is the most difficult of all. 

Because certainly there comes a day when I am faced with a situation where I find myself asking if had done the best I can to help a person.  Whether if it was enough or not.  There comes a day when I am not convinced that I had done my best even if I did the best I could.  Is doing the best I can enough?  There comes a day when I question whether I was indeed as careful with personal boundaries and freedom of choice as I wished. 

After countless days of clarity, one day I may be really in the fog, I may be in the dark.

And that is exactly when I need to remind myself “to let go and to let God.”  When we need to trust that light and the answers are always here with us whether we can see them or not.

To love. To let go. To trust.

...

I received a photo from San Diego tonight.  It kept me awake a little more. We are in the first hours of a Tuesday in İstanbul; it is still a Monday in San Diego.  And this new day is the day my father was born 85 years ago.  Call it a coincidence, the photo from San Diego tells the story of a daughter and a father that is just beginning.  I will let the details of that story stay with me tonight. But I will send my thanks to California for reminding me to send blessings to all daughters and fathers, wherever they may be. May all be surrounded with love and light.

Zeynep

Quote of the Week:

“Paradise is being able to say at that moment: ‘I made some mistakes, but I wasn’t a coward.  I lived my life and did what I had to do.”

-          Paulo Coelho, Aleph

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “Life provides all of my need in great abundance.  I trust life.”

China, Healing, Chinese Medicine and Ways of Life...

As a consultant and coach, I work with people with very different walks of life.  Top executives at multinational corporations, house wives, teachers, kids, babies, elderly in their terminal stages, recovering patients who had been in accidents, people with lives that look perfect but who are fighting invisible demons of the past, the present and the future.  Each day is teaching me to be grateful for and accepting of what is, because that is all there is.  And tomorrow whether we call it better or worse will never be the same.

Each day at work, with each new person I work with, I am introduced to new dreams and fears that I am not familiar with.  There is a term called “ring-pass-not.”  One definition for it is, the limit in spiritual, intellectual, or psychological power or consciousness, beyond which an individual is unable to pass until he evokes from within the strength and the vision to carry him forwards and over the circumscribing limits set by that individual's own karma. I use it to simply describe the limits that I am not comfortable to talk about, face or deal with.  Every day I find myself at a crossroads, facing one road in which I decide to keep my ring as it is, or the other with which I will need to let that ring of my mine grow wider and even more accepting.

Although I am still easily surprised by life, I find myself less surprised by the variety in lives and choices of people.  Nothing is as easily right or wrong for me.  Life is just not that simple anymore.

...

I do not want to sound judgmental when I will say that I did not appreciate the way business was done in China.   Of all the things that I saw in China, the way tourists had to do shopping was one thing that definitely marked my stay there.  It is tough.  I bought almost nothing in China.  And now I surely have a deeper appreciation for people who are doing business with China.  One has to do business with China at one point or another and it is not easy.

China was not a country I was too much interested in.  Even after I decided to go, unlike me I did not study the country before going.  I usually read about a country thoroughly when I decide to visit one and most of the time I study the language at least a little as well.  All I did was to buy a book on Mandarin Chinese at the Istanbul Ataturk Airport a few hours before I got on the plane.  The most of the work for my trip to China, I left it to my tour company and the tour guides.  I was used to travelling alone or with a small group of friends when I travel to the Far East.  My trip to China was different in many ways.

...

China is an important country in complementary healing.  Acupuncture is an important healing technique recognized by organisations such as WHO (World Health Organisation).  Since 1976, the State of California in United States certifies acupuncture therapists.  California has always been and still is the complementary healing capital of the US.  And Europe’s capital in that sense in definitely London.

Traditional Chinese medicine is a bit more invasive than the techniques that I choose to use.  Acupuncture, moxibustion, cupping, use of herbs, use of ginseng are methods that I am familiar with yet I prefer non-invasive energy techniques personally more.  I feel that these invasive techniques may be better practiced by a medical doctor who chooses to work with complementary healing techniques.   Especially for people who are using medications, it is very important to be knowledgeable about the joint effects of chemicals and methods. 

 

All healing methods are about bringing balance to the body, mind and soul and Traditional Chinese Medicine, TCM as it is usually called, is most of the time about creating balance in the body, especially in the liver and the kidneys to allow life energy, Qi, to flow freely through the body.  Qi circulates in the blood vessels, in the tissues, in the meridians.  Health is also defined as a continuous flow as much as balance.

Had I travelled alone I would have liked to spend more time with a Traditional Chinese Medicine doctor.  However, this is not something that can be done as a tourist in China.  Unfortunately, it is so easy to be deceived in so many different ways in China that I did not feel the trust to the healers or healing methods that we came across.  I chose to observe when I was there. 

Diagnosis through checking the pulse together with observing the tongue is one the techniques of Traditional Chinese Medicine, a technique I am interested to learn more about.  Mothers know a lot about diagnosis by observing the tongue.  All of our mothers must have done it, and mothers still do.  Pulse diagnosis is not an easy technique to learn, but through observing, sensing the rhythm, volume or the strength of the blood circulation, a traditional doctor might have a lot to say about your heart, lung, liver, spleen and kidneys and your health in general.  An iridologist can tell so much just by looking into your eyes. Through reflexology I can touch and feel the feet and am able to feel and see a lot about the general health condition of a person.  Our body gives out many signs.  Our pulse may give out more information than received by your medical doctor at your local hospital.

After coming back from China I am convinced that unless I have a very dependable contact in China, it is best to learn and study Chinese Medicine in Europe or in the United States.  In France there are also interesting teachers, however my French is certainly not enough to study there.  I did had a few French teachers, but they were English-speakers who were living in London. 

...

Visiting China was a great way to have a firsthand experience on the talks about China, Chinese economy and the new way of life in China.  Although I am sure that what I have seen about China in Beijing, Xi’an or Shanghai are what China meant for its visitors to see and probably not the real China, still I have an insight now, a feeling about the country I surely did not have before going.  China is about survival, China is about a me-first approach.  It is about survival of the fittest.  It is about living for today and most of the time letting ethics aside.  You can buy exactly the same product for 100, 20, 15 or 3 Yuan.  And even if you buy it for 3 Yuan, you might still have paid far too much.  And it feels terrible to be person who paid the 100.  If he or she can manage, a salesclerk will sell you a product for a price thirty times its worth or God know for how much more.  And if you bargain and decide not a buy a product, be ready to be shouted at or even hit on the shoulder or the arm.  I chose not to shop, but quite a number of friends were lightly harassed by female sales clerks for taking too much of their time to haggle over the price of a necklace or a bag.

In every purchase in China you are also always unsure about what you bought.  Every product is a copy of something.  Everything is fake.  That is known and accepted.  Yet, you might go into a shop knowing that the products will be fake, but to what degree are you being cheated is always unclear.  That is the main feeling.  A lot of people bought suitcases.  Some of them were trying to saw with needles and threads to mend those suitcases the next morning so that they would last the few days until they made it to Turkey.

For the whole week that I was in China, I had a small ecovillage in Scotland in my mind. The Findhorn Ecovillage near the town of Findhorn,  which about 45-60 minutes driving distance from Inverness Airport.  How could I not?  Finhorn Ecovillage is a special piece of land where a special group of people live, where life is all about being true, honest, just, respectful to people, nature and God.  At the Findhorn Ecovillage you might get a healing session and find yourself being asked to meditate and decide on the right price to pay your healer.  For many healers that is the way of doing business.  Because they believe that there is a just price, a right price for the service that they have provided and that you received.  And that it is possible for you and them to tune into that correct information, correct exchange of money for that service.  Spending time in China with a mind and heart in Findhorn Ecovillage is quite like torture.

Like everywhere on this planet, there must be trustworthy business people in China. There must be.  However, it is almost impossible to have a chance to see one as a tourist.  And maybe for that reason when we visited a very old and prestigious  Traditional Chinese Medicine Clinic, it was impossible for me to switch modes and list with an open heart to the Chinese doctors as a healer, instead of a tourist listening to an attraction. Both the clinic and the doctors seemed to have an acceptable energy.  Yet, the accumulated energy of receiving a service or buying something is China was too hard to overcome.

...

Life is about learning and discovering.  My journey continues.  I am confident in especially preventive powers of traditional complementary medicine and believe that creating mental, emotional, physical and spiritual balance is essential for us all.  Ancient Chinese have created a strong path for many of us.  Let’s trust that we will receive the information we need at the right time from the right source.  And as always the power of intention, positive intention that respects everyone’s freedom of choice as well as our own, is the most important aspect of healing, health, success and happiness in life.

May you have a great week with love and light.

Zeynep

http://www.zeynepkocasinanenglish.blogspot.com/

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Quote of the Week:

“Language shapes consciousness and the use of language to shape consciousness is an important branch of magic.”

-          Starhawk, Dreaming the Dark

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “I go within and connect with that part of myself that knows how to heal.”

Signs, Reiki and Life

I believe that life gives us many different signs as we move along life.  Sometimes it is a feeling in the heart. Sometimes it is the way the light falls on a certain object or a person. Sometimes the number on a licence plate brings the answer.  The first words of a song that you hear as you get in the car in the morning or as you enter a shop with a question that keeps turning in your mind.  The answer is always out there, or is always present in our mind and heart.  It is always there.  Yet, we are not always willing or ready to listen.

The sign of coincidences is another way that the universe converses with us.  Sometimes protect us.

Twenty years ago I would probably say that this is new age mambo jambo or that believing in signs is being too naive.  Today I believe in another truth.  Life showed me, taught me, proved me that life offers more information to us than that can be measured by our five senses.  There is a world of energy that surrounds all, compasses all.  Our world is a world of energy.  Understanding that world of energy, working with the world of energy is how I believe we can gain control of our lives and find permanent solutions to our problems.

Since 2006, I have been sharing parts of my story in the Land of Lights.  Some of you know very well how life led me to this belief.  With some of you this is our first sharing.  Energy healing techniques are an important part of my daily life.  I am using and teaching techniques professionally for over ten years now and I am grateful for both my own healing and the opportunity to share the blessing.  I have written six books in Turkish and also collected the articles I have been writing for Land of Lights in two books in English.  I believe in the power of sharing our personal stories.  Our paths may not be the same, but similar tools might help us all.

How can we get to understand the world of energy better?

 There are many different techniques that we can use.  None of them is a necessity.  However, if you are going to learn one technique, I would recommend it to be Reiki, the Japanese energy healing/energy transfer method.

Reiki is taught and learned through an initiation where the teacher opens and prepares the energy channels and the energy field of the student so that he or she can transfer the energy frequency that we call Reiki to a person, to an animal, a plant or a certain place or time.  The main idea behind all energy healing techniques as well as Reiki is that when our energy level is high and of higher frequency, we are healthier, we feel better, we comprehend life and events in our lives better, make better decisions and follow a path in life that allows us to be more happy, successful, content and satisfied.  “Living our highest truth” some like to call it.  Some people believe that our lives are predetermined and that they cannot be changed no matter what we do.  I also do believe that there are certain events in our lives that we will encounter no matter what, but I also believe that there are tools that we can use that will determine the quality of time and the quality of our lives regardless of the events that take place.  I believe that we have a destiny that probably we have chosen before being born, but also that we are given the power and wisdom to choose to make it pleasant, enjoyable and worth living and exploring.

Too vague?  After writing about my trips in the past couple of weeks, I want to write about the actual story behind the stories and I am finding it difficult.  I am sitting in front of my notebook computer in my living room at Sovalye Island, remembering the hundreds of little coincidences and signs that brought me to Fethiye in the first place and continued to make my life more and more interesting in the following seven years.  It is my eighth summer in Fethiye; and I probably have not been happier in my life. Twelve, thirteen years ago I had almost decided that regardless of how good my life looked on paper, I was not going to have a life that had any of my real desires or dreams in it.  I was staring to accept a life that felt mediocre; I was trying to convince myself to accept that life was something mediocre and that dreams were only dreams. It turns out I was wrong.  Dreams and desires were telling the truth; the truth that although there can be good days and bad days, happy and sad days in life, there is a life where all of the good and bad can feel great and amazing.  Mediocre is certainly not what life is meant to be.  This is what I believe, this is what I am experiencing and this is what I would like to share and keep on sharing.  None of this would be possible without using energy, without using Reiki.

What does Reiki do for us? When we are hungry, or thirsty or when we did not have enough sleep it is harder to be happier, harder to make good decisions.  In the month of Ramadan we go without food and water for hours, yet in the evening comes a time when we feed our body.  Imagine you were continuously lacking sleep, food and water.  Your judgment will get clouded.  Imagine that you were outside in a dusty construction site and you are not able to take a shower afterwards.  You get dirty, but you are not able to clean yourself.  What if the dust continued to accumulate over the years? And what if the dust is not visible? You start itching, you get wounds, you smell bad, but you cannot see what is happening, what is bothering you.  Energy transfer-energy healing techniques like Reiki allow us to fill our energy body so that we are not thirsty for energy anymore.  We feel full and complete.  In addition as we are given Reiki, Reiki washes our energy field of the effects of negative events, thoughts and feelings.  Reiki cleans the dust and dirt that we cannot see.  When we see an accident on the street, we get scared and a negative energy mark may stay on our energy field.  Every argument that we hear or get into may leave a negative energy mark.   Every “negative” or “sad” event may leave a mark, a scar or weaken our energy field. Feelings of fear and worry weaken and deplete our energy field.

Love of our friends and family, physical exercise, music, dance, swimming, helping others, thinking positive thoughts are some of the factors that allow us to clean and fill our energy field.  Sometimes they are enough, sometimes they are not.  Then we start to feel tired, unhappy, discontent and finally even physically sick.  When a mother worries about her children and wants them to be happy, she may want to give everything she has regardless of the fact that she might be left with nothing and she cannot live on nothing and continue to support her kids.  Reiki allows us to give, to channel healing energy without depleting ourselves.  And Reiki is one of the few energy healing techniques that we can use for ourselves. This really is a blessing.

What ever your path might be calling you out for, please think positive thoughts.   I am not saying ignore the facts of your life, ignore possible threats. Of course be cautious. Of course be prepared.  However, please also be aware that staying hopeful, looking towards the future instead of the negative events in the past, looking for solutions will support you. 

Also affirmations, keeping positive sentences in our minds, saying positive words to ourselves and others support us greatly.  Louise L. Hay is the pioneer of the positive effects and influences of affirmations on our body and in our lives.  I am grateful for her work.  I would like to recommend you to get one of her books or google her name and you will have access to a powerful world that will always support you.

With best wishes and love to you all,

Zeynep

http://www.zeynepkocasinanenglish.blogspot.com/

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Quote of the Week:

“The world would have you agree with its dismal dream of limitation. But the light would have you soar like the eagle of your sacred visions."

               Alan Cohen

Affirmation of the Week:

From Louise L. Hay:  “I stand on my own two feet.  I accept and use my own power.”