Mindfulness and a Peaceful and Happy Way to Be

Talk about synchronicity.  I was reading a book on Thich Nhat Hanh.  As I was reading the sentence “For him, a ringing telephone is a signal to call us back to our true selves” in the “Editor’s Introduction” section of the book, the phone rang.  Not one sentence before, not after.  At that short part of a second that I finished the sentence.  I found myself smiling more deeply as I had been smiling for sometime as I was re-reading this book on mindfulness and personal peace on this warm and sunny morning.  

The call was from a client who had not been in contact with me for over a year.  At the time she had been having problems with her husband.  Her condition had improved, but lately I had been wondering how she was. This time she was calling me to refer a friend of hers to me.

So many women are in conflict with their husbands.  It is tough to see people suffer.  Some of these women are with men who are totally abusive, but they still choose to stay with them.  Surviving as a single woman and even more as a single mother is not easy; and some choose the abuse instead of the difficulties of surviving alone.  Unfortunately families in Turkey a lot of the time demand the women to try to make it work.  Especially if they have kids.  There are many couples who are able to make it if they are able to reach an understanding about their problems.  However, this requires both parties to take responsibility and to work on themselves.

Some women are unwilling to accept the fact that they cannot change another person and also that they do not have the right to change their spouse.  They spend their lives trying to change their husbands and partners who do not have any desire to change. Life gets tough if we want everyone to act, to think and to choose as we want them to.  We only have the right and the ability to change ourselves. 

I work with many women, of all ages.  I work with men as well, a lot fewer though. There are very few men who go to a coach or a healer to heal their relationships with their wives or children.  Most of the men that I work with come to work on their careers and their responsibility to provide for themselves and their families.  A smaller number of men I work with have very serious health problems. Most of the rest are trying to deal with the loss of a loved one. According to my experience, the reasons men and women turn to self-development or healing are quite different.  Men and women are different in so many ways.

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The Dalai Lama says “Although attempting to bring about world peace through the internal transformation of individuals is difficult, it is the only way.”   Like many great Buddhist masters Thich Nhat Hanh focuses his teachings on mindful living, on mindfulness.  He teaches about conscious breathing and awareness of breath, especially as a tool to be mindful of each moment, of each act in our lives.  Like one of my own teachers Paracha, Thich Nhat Hanh also brings into our attention the importance of smiling.  I am a firm believer in smiling and in the power of a smile.  The chemistry of our body changes as we smile.  Our body relaxes.  As we smile, the changes that happen in our body clear away our worries and tiredness.  In Vipassana meditations, most masters want us to keep a smile on our face while we are focusing on our five senses and/or focusing on our body and organs.

Thich Nhat Hanh in all his teachings reminds us that we do not need a special time or a place to meditate.  As long as we can breathe and smile, we are able to tap into the energy of self-awareness and internal power.  I will admit that when I had just started to meditate, I would be upset about the dog that barked outside, or the music that did not seem appropriate for the mood, or the heat, or the cushion or the chair.  It was hard to accept what is, to embrace the moment. 

Of course, now I know the tricks that we use in order not to listen to our heart and soul.  We create so many distractions.  We are magicians when it comes to finding ways to stop ourselves.  And I also discovered that the only way to pass through those phases is to live through them.  To be upset and to continue to try to meditate.  To be angry and to continue.  To find it useless and to continue.  Then came a time when I could be in the middle of a traffic jam in Istanbul, and I would be able to smile and watch life as if in slow motion.  Then came a time when I would be on the escalator in a crowded shopping mall and the moment I started to consciously observe my breathing, the colours around me would brighten and I would start to hear my thoughts clearly as if all of the noise around me has been filtered out.

Trainings of different breathing techniques are very popular in Turkey for the past couple of years.  My brother Yaman is a breathing coach.  I personally have not advanced in that area.  For me, I found it enough to strengthen my awareness of my breathing.  Most of us when are afraid or excited stop to breath. Literally.  Just to be aware of how you react to different emotions in your breathing can make a big difference in how you live those emotions as well as in your health.  With the help of breathing, we can transform our feelings.

Breathing is always with us.  It is not a goal to be reached. It is not something to be completed. Not something to be overcome or to be left behind.  Breathing is with us, always and constantly.   It is about just being, just doing.  Continuous, essential and natural and effortless at the same time.  Breathing keeps us alive, helps us renew our body, helps us connect with the air, with nature.

Meditation is about creating a space to receive information that was not apparent with our busy minds.  Meditation is about slowing down our brain waves.  It is about relaxation and tapping into peacefulness.

One of my favourite meditations is the walking meditation.  To walk just to walk and to be in the moment.  Not giving importance or attention to the destination.  Such a free feeling.

These are the thoughts and feelings that Vietnamese Zen Master and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh brought to my mind and heart. Some may call him a monk; some call him a great bodhisattva.  I call him like many great masters a “master of light.”

May our days be filled with many moments of love and light.

Zeynep

Affirmation of the Week, From Louise Hay:

“ I Love My Ankles

My ankles give me mobility and direction. I release all fear and guilt.  I accept pleasure with ease.  I move in the direction of my highest good.  I choose the thoughts that bring me pleasure and joy into my life.  I am flexible and flowing.  I love and appreciate my beautiful ankles.”