Love

Once in a while we will see an old couple walk hand in hand will a calm and sweet demeanor that feels as if time has stopped or was they are forever flowing or they shine with a different brightness regardless of their age, something different that we become aware of them, even when they are just walking slowly in front of us. 

At those magical times, we are probably witnessing something extra special.  

A time of witnessing two parts of a soul meeting as a couple in this lifetime.  

Though some of us may have experienced that in the pages of our past, some of us still are to discover that special feeling of belonging and love.

May life give us many joyful chances to discover happiness and love. 

Where Do You Think You Most Belong?

 This morning I came across an interesting quesiton in an online class that I was following.

The question was:   Where do you think you most belong?

As I was trying to grasp the meaning of the question, I realized that the answer to this question has changed over the years. Maybe as it should.  

However,  the difference or range of all of the places, groups and ideas that I thought I belonged to really changed over the years. As I grew and as I changed. In a way.   

At times I was surprised to find myself in a group of engineers, at times with a meditation group in England or a group in Japan. And many more. They all seemed to point out the path that I have walked along the way and although they were different, I came to acknowledge that all of them define a part of me, all of them were about the things that I wanted to 'touch'.

…

The journey of discovering ourselves continues every day. With ups and downs.  With new awakenings, with unconscious knowledge becoming conscious, with simplified desires, as well as more defined preferences. With more detailed expectations and with letting go of expectations. With gratitude, as well as regrets.  All seems to make up what we call the ever changing living.

...

My journey with this question of belonging will probably continue as well.

We

It all adds up to 1,

Our joys and sorrows,

You smile as you cry,

I give thanks as I secretly rebel to what is.

The Life in the Cloud

The fat, white cloud appearing behind the old olive trees,

You know me,

We have met before,

In the waves of the Mediterranean sea

we have embraced many a times,

with joy and fear,

In the air that I breathe,

In the dampness that I wipe off,

the jasmine that I love to smell,

the salamender hiding in the corners,

the coffee, the cake, the icecube in the rosé wine,

…

The water flowing in my body

feels the freedom of the sky.

Looking For A New Chapter

It surely does become more difficult to write with years. 

Because I become more and more aware of the ripple effects of each and every word.  

Good intentions are important, yet more insufficient than I would have hoped for.  

Still, as I am always very grateful for all the words, feelings and thoughts that have reached me, moved me, changed me, that made me question, challenge, trust, hope and surrender, I would like to share their resonance in me and how life seems from that perspective that currently lives as me. 

Maybe, just maybe, as it is for me, someone might also need to, or would like to, hear that which I may channel through.  

And maybe, that is the reason there is hopefully still some room for some new words to be told on this world of ours.

May what I have shared over the years, and from now on, be gentle on my and your soul.

Breadcrumbs

Have you also had the experience of not recognizing your own words when you read your dairies or your old blog posts?

This realization years ago was one of the reasons that I knew that I had to write.  Not only really wanting to write, but feeling the strong pressure from realizing that if I do not write, I will not remember the me at that time or the moments that really meant something.

Some people are very good with remembering the past with many intricate details.  For me, only some of those moments remain  intact and clear with all of the events, thoughts and emotions that come with them.  Others, sort of blend with who I am.  

I believe that all of our experiences and encounters actually stay with us.  Those moments are not really lost, but still I value being able to return to those moments.

Family and friends make life also precious by creating bridges to our past.   Maybe for that reason, I feel like each loss and each connection severed diminishes who I am. For who I am seems to be also defined by what I am able to remember.

And then I write. Write some more.  Then I stop and start again.

  

When I stop, it is not totally because I am scared of the effort and the vulnerability that comes with exposing who I am, because we do go through those waves of emotions and thoughts like everyone else.  I learned how difficult it really is to decide to share what we write when I started to write my newspaper columns and when I published my previous eight books.  However,  writing is making a choice.  It is taking a stand, however naive or ‘innocent’ the topic and content may be.  And it is about making sure that we are sincere and are truthful to who we are.

Sometimes my friends and family members ask me how I know that what I write is meaningful for others, if it is worth the effort?  I personally cannot say that writing brought me a lot of financial returns. It is more about believing in the positive ripple effects of our intended positive contribution. It is about that unstoppable feeling that takes us to the computer or makes us rush to find that notebook and pen.  

And also, time again I receive an email, a phone message from a friend or a reader that I did not know existed who encourages me to continue to write and share that it made a difference in their lives.  Each time I receive such a message, I am humbled, but also grateful.  Because then, even though they do not share the details, I know what might have touched their heart.  They become a compass that shows me the way.  

Whether we acknowledge it or not, we actually do know when we write well, however, we also do know that to be able to write that unique and worthwhile piece, we need to keep on writing, keep on trying to decide what our unique contribution is and to let that message take form. 

And to continue to leave those breadcrumbs leading us back to our soul.

Every morning we wake up to a new day to decide how to act, react and respond to what life sends our way. 

...

Yes, sometimes those who do not deserve it will succeed.

Sometimes it will be the bad who win.

As it was told, efforts will lie, but, regardless of the results,  I still do believe, they will not be in vain.

For the universe, seen or unseen, always responds to the honest efforts of a pure and true heart in its own language.

Sometimes

Give me dark,

Give me darker,

Today,

Black is not dark enough.

The Then Future

I always assumed I liked the sun more than the snow.

Then again,  I was always more pulled in by the surprise than the acknowledged.

Under the shadow of approvals, I was the the timid rebellious.

If only you knew me.

If only you did.

Past could have been different. 

And so the now, which was then the future.

...

Sometimes hues of greys and browns with a dash of blue and light are what we have and what we need.

Lifetimes

There are days of color and days of darkness,

Days of joy or dismay,

Days to cherish, days to run away from,

With meanings within,

And without,

We have lived the stories one after the other,

Expected or unexpected, chosen and not asked for,

More chosen then not,

Perfect is this sunny sleepness morning that I am waking up to,

And was perfect, so they say, the day with the gloom and the pain,

You and me, met again and maybe for the first time,

Under the olive tree, near the cactus, 

Enjoying the redness of the Japanese roses, 

with a hint of its yellow dust in our hands.

Unfolding Stories of Shapes and Colors

 

I do love words. I love writing, mainly in Turkish and sometimes I try to do it in English. I write in my blog, have written a few books, I also keep a journal.

Writing makes me remember, makes me question, makes me understand and also allows me to have a candid conversation with myself, and gives me a chance to express what becomes difficult to keep inside.

Yet, sometimes words are not enough.  Sometimes my ability to express with words seem limited or difficult. Or sometimes we just do not want to put it into words.

When I was younger, I would get frustrated at such times.

Then, almost over 20 years ago, I discovered another channel for myself.  To paint. 

Painting turned into a channel of conversation rather than pictures and projects to finish.

When I cannot write or when I feel the need “say” on a different level, I journal, with shapes and colors. Sometimes I need a big canvas, sometimes watercolors are what I need.

It is always interesting to go back and read what we have written before. Although we are the ones writing it, there is always more to it when completed. Completed stories seem to tell even more.

Writing definetely changes us. However, it is also quite interesting to see what the journal of shapes and colors say. Our stories of unfolding lines, shapes and colors seem to tell us messages that probably would have stayed hidden if not expressed in such a fashion.

💜🧡💚💛🖤

Where To Find The Energy of Peace

The Second Vice International President of Lions Clubs International, Dr. Patti Hill, started a great initiative: Global Conversation About Peace. With this initiative, members of Lions and Leo Clubs are encouraged to take action for peace, to organise service activities with a focus on peace, to create an awareness, to create a unifies energy and consciousness of peace.

t a time when we are talking about Syria and Afghanistan, not only in home country Turkey due to the immense number of refugees from these two countries, but all around the World, it is impossible not feel the energy of fear.  There is such a big need for peace and understanding in our lives.

On the other hand, nature had its cries for help.  Forest fires stormed Turkey, Greece, Italy and many other countries in Europe and again around the World this summer, creating great pain.  Forests lost, wild life lost, people losing their homes as well as their livelihood, their farm lands and farm animals.  We witnessed the helplessness as well as the unified efforts of citizens and volunteers.

As the World gets globally connected, we are becoming more and more aware of the pain and suffering in different parts of the World. We are becoming more aware of the restlessness, the lack of serenity and peace in our minds, in our hearts and in our physical world.

Over the centuries, great leaders have always called out for peace.  The founder of the Turkish Republic Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, although a soldier, always talked about the importance of peace. He is known for his famous saying: Peace at Home, peace in the World. Lions Clubs International, the largest and probably the best service organisation in the World, for more than a century, has focused on creating a climate of understanding between nations and in the World.  

Being able to serve those in the need without expecting anything in return requires an energy of peace.  Being able to selflessly work to help others requires one to be in harmony and peace with oneself, to respect people, nature, our World.

A lot can be said about peace.  There is a need for peace in almost all aspects of life.  Working to support peace is an immense task.  The influx of negativity is tough to shake off and it is equally tough to look at this seemingly insurmountable mountain and take the first step.  However, that first step and the steps that can follow are exactly what need to be done. One step at a time.  And those steps, if they can be taken together with like minded people, bring us the hope that we need to remember, the hope that we need to believe in the inherent goodness in people and that peace is possible.

Lions’, Vice President Dr. Patti Hill’s “Global Conversation About Peace” is an ongoing conversation about taking action for a more positively rooted consciousness of peace.  It is a call to look at where that energy of peace is needed, to identify what action can be taken and to start wherever and how ever we can.  

Attending of the online session of Global Conversation About Peace, I remembered the many projects that we as Lions Clubs' members actually did over the years to support peace and understanding in our communities and in our lives.  During the breakout room discussion of that session, I shared shortly some of the projects  that we did, for example to create awareness for some of the issues that the mentally disabled children and their families experience, to address the hidden violence in our use of language - the need for peace in the way we speak and communicate, and also to protect nature as an action of peace, as a way to show our respect to life.

In my mind and heart, peace is a reflection and an expression of respect.  When I do not know where to start to support peace, I start by showing love, compassion and respect to people, living things and nature around me. I start by treating everything around me, animate or inanimate, as living, as beings that will be able to feel the “touch” of my actions, feelings and thoughts.  That approach changes me and shifts what I am able to do. And that sometimes means starting small.

When the needs that we see are huge,  we start to believe that we need to come and do big projects and take big actions.  Of course, if you are able to, surely do go ahead.  We all have initiated and have taken part in big and influential projects. However, if that unique creative idea is not coming yet, or if the organisation and means are not coming together, please do not wait in order to support that energy of love, care and compassion, the respect to preserve and to enhance life, to support peace.

Among the many things that I have done and plan to do, for this September 21 International Day of Peace, as an act of peace, I chose to show my care and appreciation for nature by doing personal daily cleanups.  

For me, that means taking a short walk to the beach with a glove and a trash bag and spending 20 minutes every morning to collect what the sea has brought to the beach during the night and also picking up that broken piece of glass or the blue plastic bottle cap among the pebbles. At times, even though that voice within that whispers, “why do I have to do it” still can be heard, the feeling of leaving a place a little better that I have found brings that energy of peace first of all to me, and it probably resonates from me to my day that I share with others.  And those ripples are what taking an action for peace is all about.

So, I would like to call you to take an action for this September 21st, International Day of Peace. Whether you are a member of a Lions/Leo Club or not, let’s join forces to step up once again, to take action, even if we may have been disheartened many times before.  Ripples do reach many distant shores. And maybe, when our ripples unite and gain strength from each other’s hearts, the energy of peace that is always present in us, though sometimes hidden, discouraged and forgotten, will awaken in so many more.

With love and gratitude,

Lion Zeynep Kocasinan

Member, Istanbul Ulus Lions Club, D118T, MD118 Turkey

Past District Governor, 2018-2019, D118R, MD118 Turkey

Lions Global Action Team Area Leader for CAIV Europe

P.S.

If you would like more information on ideas and how to join, please check out the information below.

www.lionsvirtual.org

Facebook: “Lions Virtual” https://facebook.com/LionsVirtual

lionsvirtualuniverse@gmail.com

True Champions

If you are an ice skating fan, you probably already know that the World Championship is taking place in Sweden this week.

And you probably also know who Yuzuru Hanyu and Javier Fernández are.

In the last few years, whenever I see people competing in sports and in various areas in life, I usually remember these two very talented skaters.

Apart from their amazing accomplishments in skating in Japan, in Spain, in Europe and in the World, what makes them very special is the way they treated each other.

They showed us all how it is possible for a person to compete and aim to be the best in the World, but at the same time, how it is also possible for that same person to support another fellow to be the best that he can be.

One assumes otherwise, yet, they showed us over and over again that becoming the best version of one's self is possible while supporting the people around you to be the best that they can be. Even though they may be aiming at the same goal, the same title, the same medal. And that it is indeed the definition of a true champion.

May life always bring into our lives people who gives us the inspiration to do what is right.

2021

2020 has been tough for almost all of us.

Waves of different sizes crashing on us at different times.

It was a year filled with uncertainties.

Even with the vaccines in sight, 2021 does not seem any more clear or certain than last year to be honest.

The only difference that I feel, with all the grief, sadness, gratitude and love that I feel, I am more willing to accept the uncertain future.

May 2021 bring love and light to all of you.

20 Hours

Last week has been interesting.

Well, not all pleasant. Some parts of it caused me to be fearful for a day.

On a Monday night I realized that I was feeling extremely tired.  Most of my friends have been sharing that since March most of them have felt more tired even they have been physically well.  And there had been times when Ifelt the same way.

However, I could tell that this felt different than the previous times.  I found myself feeling the need to lie down before dinner. And when it was time for dinner, I had to really struggle to gather the energy to even sit at a dining room chair.

As some you might know, I had been caught up with the Pandemic in Istanbul while I was visiting my Mom in Istanbul. I had to stay in Istanbul and with her since that time.  My regular routine would have been travelling between Istanbul and Fethiye for work and family, but in my new normal since I have to been Istanbul and that frequent continuous travel is not plausible, I am in this big city now.

Well, that night I felt scared for the first time, when I also realized that I was starting to get a fever.  The fear that I might have been in contact with Covid-19 came to my mind for the first time.  I had been very careful and had quite controlled and limited contact with people, and with very limited time in crowds, yet it was not like in March and April, when even though we did not have a full lockdown in Turkey, we acted like we need.  Yet, as time passed by over the months, with things that needed to be done, more exposure to crowds was inevitable to some extent.

On that Monday, as the evening progressed, I was also starting to have an upset stomach and in my mind I was trying to run over the things that I had done, or the people that I had seen in the last few weeks.  The time lag in Covid is the most difficult aspects in dealing with it.  How much back in time would I need to go to be able to tract how I might have contracted it if I indeed did?

My fever was not going over 38C. And normally, if this had happenned before the Pandemic, I would probably take some medication for my fever and maybe some flu medicine and had gone to sleep.  However, this time I was not sure what it was.  For that reason, I did not take any medication.

The next 20 hours or so went by with this terrible feeling of extreme tiredness and a fever that does not go up or go down, in this continuous and constant state of feeling sick.  As the second night was approaching, I had decided that I should plan to go to a hospital the next day.  Following the news, I was not sure if I would be tested, yet living with an older person, I felt the need to at least try.  I was trying to figure out where and when to go, and also to call my cousin who was also our family doctor. He was on a vacation with his family and I had wanted to wait a little before contacting him.

Then, during the 21st hour of my extreme tiredness and living with a slight fever, almost magically stopped.  All of it. The fever was gone.  I was a little tired, but nothing that stopped me from getting up, moving around or doing some errands.  My stomach and intestines were suddenly also ok. I was feeling hungry for the first time.  It was as if something was lifted from over me, and I was almost back to normal.

I seriously do not know what and why this happenned.   In the coming days I probably will go to a hospital for a checkup as I have been trying to avoid hospitals since March.  

However, at that time as I was feeling ill, I could not help think about the things that I needed to do and how to take care of them in case I got worse. What would happen with the people and things that I needed to take of?  At the peak of the pandemic, I had taken various precautions, preparing bags for my mom that she might use in case she needs to be hospitalized or if another emergency occurs. Stocking up on some of her medications or necessary items in case I would not be around to take care of her.  This preparation included some of the things that I needed to do for work as well. Preparing emergency folders or organising as much work as I could in advance. Yet, still there was a limit to what could be done in advance.  

During those twenty hours,  hundreds of thoughts passed my mind.   Hundreds of possible scenarios about how the days that follow might be like.  The very optimistic scenarios and the extremely bad ones and their ramifications.  Since I did not have the energy to move, which was different from my vertigo attacks which do not allow me to think in addition to not being able to move because of the continuous dizziness and the feeling of lack of balance, this time, I had a lot of time to think.  I had taken many courses over the years, yet those twenty hours were like a crash course in awareness.  Like a hidden blessing.

Some of my friends in Japan believe that every illness is a purification, preparing us for something better, allowing us to release what is not needed anymore. They believe that illness is in a way also a physical way to let go of what does not serve us.   If that is the case for me or not, I do not know. 

Yet, what I know is, although this was a tiny, tiny incident in the course of my life, I feel like it has interestingly caused a shift in me.  

And maybe not today,  but I would like to share in the coming weeks how it has allowed me to bring together some of things that I have been studying and learning in the past twenty years.

I do not know what the future or even tomorrow will bring me, however, I am convinced once again that it is most important to live with gratitude, with care and compassion, believing in the beauty that life has in store for us which we can access when we decide and/or choose to see it. And that our positive interpretations of reality and our willingness to see the big picture dissolves a lot of disillusionments.

I am sending lots of love and blessings to you all. Wishing you happy and healthy days. 

With love and light,

Zeynep

Affirmation of the Week:

I rejoice in who I am. I am a beautiful expression of life, flowing perfectly at al times.

Quote of the Week:

From Ovid.  “Chance is always powerful.  Let your hook be always cast; in the pool where you least expect it, there will be fish.”

Book of the Week:

“Grit” by Angela Duckworth.

Ertugrul

This memory appeared interestingly after over 10 years.

I had had the privilege to visit the temple that some of the Turkish soldiers were treated and taken care of in, after their ship Ertugrul sank in a typhoon on September 16th, 1890 at the rocky shores of the Ooshima Island in Kushimoto, Wakayama, Japan.

532 soldiers had lost their lives and 69 could survive thanks to the search and rescue efforts carried out by the local people, the Japanese authorities and the German ship Volf and the Japanese ship Buci Maro.

I am and will always be deeply grateful to Lion Mr. Seiji Mukaiyama, a member of the Wakayama Lions Club for taking me to Kushimoto and Ooshima, to the Memorial Site for our soldiers, the Turkish Museum on the Island. Mr. Mukaiyama even introduced me to the mayor of the town in this visit. Thank you Mr. Mukaiyama. ありがとうございました.

It was very touching and heartwarming to see how the Japanese people are still so gently caring for our soldiers who are resting there with utmost respect for their memory.

That day will always be one of the most precious days of my life.

And I hope in the future I can visit the Ooshima Island and our soldiers again. May they rest in peace.

Back to Writing in English

On August 6th when I wrote in my blog in English, I realized that it had been 1 day short of four years since I published anything in that blog. 

In 2016, I had been elected to serve as the Second Vice District Governor in our Lions Clubs District in Izmir. It meant that I would be on the board for four years and serve as the District Governor and the Federation President for one year. 

I knew that these positions would take a lot of time, however, this commitment required even more of my personal time than I expected.  What made it more difficult was the fact that I lived in two cities, Istanbul and Fethiye, simultaneouly.   And since apart from one Club in Fethiye which I am a member of, the rest of the 64 Clubs were scattered in various cities and towns in Western and South Western part of Turkey, mainly in Izmir and Antalya.  

And since our District’s headquarters were in Izmir, it meant a lot of travelling and a lot of time spent away from home.  Especially during my year as the District Governor, apart from work which I had minimised for that year, and my voluntary work for Lions, I had almost no time for anything else.

I had an amazing four years with our Lions District.  I met hundreds of wonderful people in my District, in Turkey and in the World. I learned a lot.  I almost grew up in some aspects.  I feel very lucky and deeply grateful, therefore I am not really complaining.  Yet in hindsight, I realized that it meant that I had to put some of the things that I love to do on hold.  Like writing.

During those four years, except for the year I served as the District Governor of D118R of Turkey, I continued to write in Turkish, even though not as much as I used to before. 

However, I did not write in English at all. 

I love writing. In Turkish and in English, as well.  I wrote two of my books in English. They are not translations for my books in Turkish.  I really like learning and using the English language.   I used to write some of my journals in English, however, I started to write in English when I started to write a weekly column for a local English newspaper.  If I remember correctly, I wrote for that paper for at least three or four years.  I also remember how difficult It was to express what I wanted to say at first, and how the ideas and words started to flow more easily after the first year.

Today, as I decide to start to write in English again, writing feels awkward.  I find myself looking for words and they are not coming to me easily.   I feel that I will need to accept to live with this feeling of incompetence for a while.  I know from past experiences that, sometimes, even though English is a foreign language for me, I am able to express myself better.  Sometimes it really happens, or at least happened, that way. 

For that reason, I want to give it a try again.  Whlle doing that, I think, for a while, I might have to find a way to make peace with accepting my inabiliy to express myself as I would like to.  

Therefore, let this be a new beginning.

In my column in English, I used to share a quote and an affirmation each week.  I would like to continue to do that.  I hope that their message and energy will give you support.

With love and light,

Zeynep

Affirmation of the Week:

“I calm my thoughts and I am serene.”

By Louise Hay

Quote of the Week:

“Surround yourself with people who respect and treat you well.”

By Claudia Black

For Love and Peace

Most of you know that, in our before Covid life, I loved to travel. Seeing new places always intrigues and uplifts me, also makes me aware how we are all connected. I love that feeling of oneness. 

There have been only two places that have been to that left me with a different feeling of deep sadness. 

One was Sarajevo. In that beautiful city with its beautiful people, I experienced a different sadness that seemed to still linger in that city, and I had one of the most restless nights of my life without almost any sleep. My prayers are always with Sarajevo.

The second place was a museum. 

The Hiroshima Peace Memorial Museum. 

I have been to Japan many times and my visit to Hiroshima was on my fourth or fifth visit to Japan. I had been to a Lions Club Convention in Fukuoka and after the convention, we were travelling in Japan with the Turkish Delegation. When we arrived in Hiroshima that day in July 2016, I was moved in general to visit to this city, and yet I was happy to be able to visit this city and in a way, I am not sure how to express this properly, but I was happy to be able to have the chance to to send love and blessings to this city that has been through great suffering. 

The city seemed to have a gentle energy and I was amazed at how peaceful and pleasant the city was given what it had been through.

Yet, what I would experience shortly would be drastically different.

We were to visit the Peace Memorial Museum. 

Shortly after we entered the Museum building and started to look at the exhibits, I stared to feel this strange rush of feelings. Feelings of pain, of sadness that seemed to overwhelm me. It took me a while to understand what I was feeling and experiencing. It felt like I was suffocating. 

I drank a little water and not to disturb anyone I decided to move a little faster. We were a group of almost 100 people, yet the feeling was getting stronger and stronger. I realized that I was not able to look at the images and exhibits any more. It was just too much. 

And I found myself almost runnig out of the building.

I still remember as I went down some stairs and outside, it felt as if I was running for my life. And I also still remember the relief that I felt as I was finally outside.

It took me a few minutes to collect myself, trying to understand what had just happenned.

After about five minutes, I looked at my phone to check the time. I had over half an hour before we were to get together with our group. And I spent the next half hour strolling in the Memorial Park in which the Museum was located. At one point, I found myself looking at the Atomic Bomb Dome from a distance, the only building that was left standing from the 1945 explosion, which was now a World Heritage Site. What I was feeling or rather experiencing at that point was more of an incomprehension. Incomprehentsion of what had taken place and how it could have. 

I love being in Japan. It is one of the places that I feel most peaceful and happy. The gentleness and kindness that I experience there, with people that know and that I do not know is so comforting, it is impossible not to miss that feeling.

On this anniversary day of one the most heartbreaking days of human history, my heart and soul wishes and prays for peace for all on our beautiful planet.