Nonviolent Communication and More

I was in Bolu at Abant Izzet Baysal University last week for a workshop. The topic of the workshop was Sustainable Living. This was the third time this workshop was organised in Turkey.

Twice it was organized in Ankara at Middle East Technical University. This time it was in Bolu. The two main instructors at the workshop were Findhorn Ecovillage in Scotland. May East and Michael Shaw came to Turkey to teach about social and ecological aspects of sustainability. This was May East’s third time in Turkey, and the second time for Michael Shaw.

I have deep respect for people who are not only taking about the environment, the pollution, the carbon emissions, but doing what they can to protect and to inform and awaken others. I have respect for the actions taken by Findhorn and its community members.

There was great emphasis on social sustainability in the workshop. Most of the people were expecting to hear mainly the ecological aspects, yet global experiences have shown that communities, associations, groups that bring people together for a cause fail unless there is social sustainability in the structure. Both May and Michael shared that initiatives fail not because there are not sufficient funds or there is not enough good technology; projects fail because people are not able to live together, are not able to work and create together. They have studied the ecovillage initiatives in the world and 90% of these failed, and the main reasons seemed to be the social aspects. For that reason social aspects and methods were an equally important part of this workshop as well as the ecological aspects.

Nonviolent Communication, decision making processes, spiral dynamics and the transition town movements were some of the important elements and tools of social sustainability. Nonviolent Communication, NVC as it is more commonly known, is a very strong and important approach which is becoming more and more popular around the world. We keep hearing more about it in Turkey as well. NVC is a way of speaking that helps to exchange information and resolve conflict between different parties. NVC focuses on our feelings and our needs that bring up those feelings. It is an honest way of communication that focuses on a deeper understanding of ourselves and the people were are communicating with. The structure of it was created by Marshall B. Rosenberg and he has written many books about it. Nonviolent Communication is the most commonly known book of his. Teaching Children Compassionately and Speak Peace In a World of Conflict are two other books by Rosenberg I just completed reading. I recommend all of his books deeply. Unfortunately most of them are available only in English. Some people call NVC - this way of communication - compassionate communication.

NVC aims to set aside blames, put-downs, comparisons and judgements. It aims to create a safe zone with respect and care. It brings a new approach to talking and listening. It encourages us to observe situations and dialogues without evaluating. This objective evaluation creates a common and acceptable common ground in communication. I strongly recommend you to look into NVC. It is not something we can learn in a day; we need to undo some of our old habits of talking, evaluating and even judging. Yet with time it surely becomes a very effective tool.

NVC encourages us to express our feelings. Yet, as we try to do this it becomes more apparent that we are usually not in touch with our feelings. Most of what we call feelings seems to be how we think others are behaving. People use words such as abandoned, abused, neglected, let down, unsupported and rejected to describe so called feelings. Yet these are actually words that describe how we interpret what others are doing. Words that express feelings are words like amazed, confident, calm, carefree, delighted, fulfilled, thankful, or afraid, angry, annoyed, bewildered, cross, discouraged, mad, mean, unhappy, worried, upset, etc. NVC encourages us to enlarge our dictionary of feelings to be in touch with how we really are feeling. After objective observation, being able to express feelings is another important element of NVC.

I hope to share more about NVC and the social aspects of sustainability in the future. For now I send all of you lots of love from Istanbul. Hope to be in Fethiye soon.

From Rumi: “Sell your cleverness and buy bewilderment.”

From the Great Master RUMI

A Light Within His Light

I circled awhile with each of the intelligences,
the nine fathers that control the levels of spirit growth.

I revolved for years with the stars
through each astrological sign.

I disappeared into the kingdom of nearness.
I saw what I have seen, receiving nourishment
as a child lives in the womb.

Personalities are born once.
A mystic many times.

Wearing the body-robe, I have been busy
in the market, weighing and arguing prices.

Sometimes I have torn the robe off
with my own hands and thrown it away.

I have spent long nights in monasteries,
and I have slept with those who claim
to believe nothing on the porches of pagodas,
just traveling through.

When someone feels jealous,
I am inside the hurt and the need to possess.

When anyone is sick,
I feel feverish and dizzy.

I am cloud and rain being released,
then the meadow as it soaks in.

I wash the grains of mortality
from the cloth around a dervish.

I am the rose of eternity,
not made of water or fire,
not of the wandering wind
or even earth. I play with those.

I am not Shams of Tabriz,
but a light within his light.

If you see me, be careful.
Tell no one what you have seen.

Pure Silence

December 17th. Today is tbe death anniversary of Mevlana Celaleddin-i Rumi.

It feels right to share a poem of his, through Coleman Barks' translations.

Pure Silence

I have come this time
to burn my thorns,
to purıfy my life,
to take up service again
in the garden.

I come weeping to these waters
to rise free of passion and belief.

Look at my face. These tears
are traces of you.

I will shorten this poem,
because the rest of it
is being said in the world
within our eyes.

Do you know this silence?
It is not the same as in your room
when you have no one to talk to.

This is pure silence,
not the kind that happens
when living dogs are eating a dead one.

...

with love,
Z.

To Be Back...

It has been quite a number of weeks since I was able to write for Land of Lights. I have been travelling extensively and I did miss the opportunity to be able to share. I realize that it is really important for me to be able to…
Since September I have been in London about 4 times. I do love London. It is the first city I have been to when I was a kid. I do feel at home in London, I guess London has that quality of making foreigners feel at home. I always did. And after spending 3-4 weeks on different occasions I feel much more so these days.
I had to chance to meet a lot of friends who works with various complementary therapies. It is good to know that we are quite up to date in Turkey as to what is happening in the world. London is a centre in many ways. I was happy to be with like minded friends and new acquaintances, but also happy to confirm –especially to myself – that we are, that I am on track.

*

Things to share did pile up, and I feel a little unsure as to where to start.
In the last few months, I had the chance to do training with Joy Drake. She is one of the creators of “The Transformation Game” developed in Findhorn. As some of you might know, I was in Scotland this summer, and became a facilitator for the Game. It is an amazing tool for self discovery. This fall I did a training on Frameworks Coaching Process, which is a coaching training derived from The Game. It is a much shorter application, but quite effective none the less.

What do I want to say…

I really find it hard to start. I remember the times when I had returned to Turkey from college almost 16 years ago. And summer vacations… I would be away for 8-9 months for the college school year, and then I would be in Istanbul for the summers. And the first few weeks at home and with friends used to be quite awkward. Of course, there was no internet then. And phone calls were quite expensive. That used to mean that we would be keeping in touch through letters. I remember writing letters to my parents as well as my friends. It is amazing to receive an envelope and wondering what might be written there – to go for the envelope and to look at the handwriting to figure out who might have sent it. To check the back or the left top corner for the sender. I realize that I have not written a proper letter in a very long time. … I do have such a feeling today. It is as if I have missed Fethiye and my friends in Fethiye, and I do not know where to start to share what has been happening with my life in the last few months.

*

I had an amazing time attending many trainings, especially for life coaching. I did attend various life coaching workshops and trainings in the last year. Some were more spiritually oriented, and some were more on the analytical side approved by the ICF, International Coaching Federation. Coaching is a different approach than consulting or the healing work that I do. Coaching does complement personal growth and is an amazing supportive tool. Empowerment is the key element. I am happy to discover that my personal approach to personal growth and development to match with the underlying principles of coaching, especially of the approach of Erickson College of Vancouver, that people are complete, that everyone internally knows what is best for him or her. The important thing is to allow or rather support the person to reach to that inner knowledge.

You will hear a lot about coaching from me in the coming weeks. You do not have to be a trained coach, but the approach is something you can personally use to support your family, kids, friends and business associates.

*

I am not physically back in Fethiye yet; but I am happy to be in touch again. I will admit that there are times when we go through a lot of personal change, or during times of excessive work or training, it is tough to keep the connection. I realize that when I am going through times of intense learning, intense experiences, on some levels I turn inside. During these last few months I had amazing experiences in the classes that I attended as well as the classes I had the chance to give. I met many colleagues and many new students and clients. I have quite a number of stories that I would like to share over the winter.

This is as deep as I seem to be able to go into the iceberg tonight. It is as if I needed to detach myself from a lot of things or people that I love for a while, not consciously, but to be able to move forward, to be able to spend the time with work and with the new learnings and the experiences. Life still and always amazes me.

*

December 17th is the death anniversary of one of the most famous poets in the world. Well, he is known more as a poet around the world. Yet, I would rather call him a sage, a wise-one, or even an enlightened being. He is Mevlana Celaleddin-I Rumi, known as just Rumi in the western world.

I would like to close with some lines from Rumi, with love and gratitude for all the writings, the work and the love he left behind for us all.

From the book titled “RUMI Bridge to the Soul” by Coleman Barks:
And the lines are mainly about silence…

*
Now let silence speak
As that begins, we will start out

*
Now the kissing is over
Fold your love in.
Hide it like pastry filling.
Whisper within with
a shy girl’s tenderness

*
Music begins.
Your silence,
deepen that.
Were you to put words with this
We would not survive the song.

*
Be silent now.
Say fewer and fewer praise poems.
Let yourself become living poetry.

*
Be clear like a mirror
reflecting nothing.

Be clean of pictures and the worry
that comes with images.

Gaze into what is not ashamed
or afraid of any truth.

Contain all human faces in your own
without any judgment of them.

Be pure emptiness.
What is inside that? you ask.
Silence is all I can say.

Lovers have some secrets
that they keep.

*-*-*

With love to you all,
Zeynep.
_______________________________________________________________________________
Angel of the Week: Trust
Affirmation of the Week:
“There is ample time and opportunity for creative expression in whatever area I choose.”
By Louise L. Hay
Quote of the Week:
“Since you are like no other being ever created since the beginning of time, you are incomparable.”
Brenda Ueland

Zeynep’s Book Recommendation of the Week:
How about readling, re-reading a book by Neale Donald Walsch this week?
Almost all of his books are available in Turkish, and I really do find him sincere and true in what he shares.

From RUMI: Holiday Without Limits

From the great master, the Sufi poet of the 13th century – From Mevlana Celaleddin RUMI:


Holiday Without Limits

Going into battle, we carry no shield.
Playing in concert, unaware
of the beat or the melody.

We have become grains in the ground underfoot,
fold on fold, layers of love, nothing else.

Obliterated, as when the eye medicine
is no longer even a powder.
Then it cures sight.

An accident gradually gets accepted
as the thing that needed to happen.
Sickness melts into health.

There is nothing worse than staying congealed.
Let your liver dissolve into blood.
Let your heart break into such tiny pieces
it cannot be found.

The moon orb wanes.
Then for three days you could say
that there is no moon.

That is the moon that has drawn
so close to the sun,
it is nowhere, and everywhere.

Send us someone who can sing music
for the soul, though we know
such longing cannot rise from a lute
or a tambourine, not from the sun,
or Venus, or any star.

As day comes, give back
the night-fantasy things you stole.
Admit your arrogance as the stars do at dawn.

When the sun goes down, Venus begins bragging,
claiming lights, arguing her loveliness
over the moon’s. Jupiter lifts a gold coin
from his bag. Mars shows his blade
to Saturn. Mercury sits on a high throne
and gives himself successive titles.

That is how it goes in the middle
of the night. Then dawn. Jupiter
is suddenly poor. Mars and Saturn
have no plans. Venus and the moon
run away, broken and terrified.

Then the sun within the sun enters,
and this night-and-day talk
seems a meaningless convention,
the lighting business.

A true holy day for a man or a woman
is the one when they bring themselves
as the sacrifice.

When Shams shone his light from nowhere,
I felt a holiday without limits begin
where once was just a person.


*-*-*

May your days bring you such holidays of true love.

With love and light,
Z.

__________________________________________________
Quote of the Week:
“Create a future from your future, not your past.”

Werner Erhard
__________________________________________________

Our Big Transformaiton Game - Life

Last October I was introduced to a wonderful game called The Transformation Game. It is a game developed at Findhorn, in Scotland and I was introduced to it by Ms.Deniz Dinçel. Deniz was in Fethiye last November as a guest of the Fethiye Lions Club to give seminars in some of the high schools in Fethiye. The topic was ecological foot prints and global warming. She is a biologist by training and she is organising the eco-village design and sustainable living workshops with the Middle East Technical University in Ankara. Deniz is also one of the current three certified facilitators of The Transformation Game in Turkey.

I was in Ankara in February to attend the second international workshop on Sustainable Living at METU (ODTÜ). Teachers from Findhorn, Scotland and from Torri Superiori Ecovillage in Italy were in Ankara, to share their knowledge and experiences on sustainable living and permaculture. Prof. Dr. Ali Gökmen and Prof. Dr. İnci Gökmen of the Chemistry Department of METU were the hosts of the workshop. I am very grateful for the effort and contributions to the workshop.

Sustainability was discussed from the social and ecological aspects in depth. Of course it is a very broad area; however it was a wonderful experience to share a whole week with like minded people from all around the world and Turkey. There were participants from Portugal, Israel, France and Australia. The instructors were from Turkey, Scotland and Italy. This was a confirmation for me that, in order to find solutions to global problems, we need to get together as citizens of this Earth.

*

When the topic is the welfare of the planet I cannot seem to stop myself.  Maybe what we can do is very little, but we can only do what we can do…

Back toThe Transformation Game… The game has been on sale in the D&R book stores for the last 5-6 months. At least I bought mine last November after Deniz told me that the game was available in Turkish.

This game is a wonderful representation of life. We can start playing the game with an intention about life and in about five to eight hours, we can see how things will turn out or what qualities about ourselves that we need to realize, see, accept or change.

The game gives us a wonderful opportunity for self-discovery and self-awareness, and also the truer and the more sincere we are to the game, the more we benefit. It becomes, it represents a very honest and concentrated version of our life.

We learn and experience possibilities in life, without the permanent effects. After the game, we can choose to take action or not. Hard to explain.

I really recommend experiencing this game. Do not be fooled by the word “game”. The Transformation Game gives us an opportunity to learn, to grown to live the life that we desire, or whatever we truly desire.

*-*-*

I was reading Neale Donald Walsch - again. My brother Yaman has been reading his books for the first time in the last few months and has been sharing with me his ideas about the books. I believe that Mr. Walsch has started a silent revolution for a happier world over a decade ago. I find his words sincere and from the heart. It has been maybe over four years since I listened to him in Istanbul. His approach to life and towards God could be worth listening to.

This week I would like to share some lines from his famous book series “Conversations with God”. So what could God be telling to us? Here it goes:

 You don’t have a clear focus; you’re not really sure what’s true for you. And the universe is just a big Xerox machine. It simply produces multiple copies of your thoughts. Now there’s only one way to change all that. You have to change your thought about it.

 Every prayer – every thought, every feeling, every statement – is creative. To the extent that it is fervently held as truth, to that degree will it be made manifest in your experience.


 We dare not solve all the problems, or there will be nothing left for us to do.

 Worry is the activity of a mind which does not understand its connection with God.

 Your perception of ultimate reality is more limited that you thought, and Truth is more unlimited than you can imagine.

 No one who has attained mastery is dull. Unusual, perhaps. Extraordinary, perhaps. But never dull.

 A true Master is not the one with the most students, but one who creates the most Masters.

 Your ideas about Right and Wrong are just that – ideas. They are the thoughts which form the shape and create the substance of Who You Are. There would be only one reason to change any of these; only one purpose in making alteration; if you are not happy with who you are.

 You have come here to work out an individual plan for your own salvation. Yet salvation does not mean saving yourself from the snares of the devil. You are saving yourself from the oblivion of non-realization.

 Why not simply acknowledge the truth when you hear it, and move towards it?

 You are not on this planet to produce anything with your body. You are on this planet to produce something with your soul. Your body is simply and merely the tool of your soul.

 The more you are, the more you can become, and the more you can become, the more you can yet be.

 There is no coincidence, and nothing happens “by accident.”

 You misunderstand your power. I tell you this: Your life proceeds out of you intentions for it.

 I talk to everyone. All the time. The question is not to whom do I talk, but who listens?

 A true teacher is not the one with the most knowledge, but one who causes the most others to have knowledge.

 Nothing occurs in your life - nothing – which is not first a thought. Thoughts are like magnets, drawing effects to you.

 Be patient. You are gaining wisdom.

 Every human thought, and every human action, is based in either love or fear. There is no other human motivation.

 You must first see yourself as worthy before you can see another as worthy. You must first see yourself as blessed before you can see another as blessed. You must first know Self to be holy before you can acknowledge holiness in another.

 You can know yourself to be generous, but unless you do something which displays generosity, you have nothing but a concept. You can know yourself to be kind, but unless you do someone a kindness, you have nothing but an idea about yourself.

 The soul – your soul – knows all there is to know all the time. There is nothing hidden to it, nothing unknown. Yet knowing is not enough. The soul seeks to experience.

 Treating others with love does not necessarily mean allowing others to do as they wish.

 God asks that you include yourself among those you love.


*-*-*

May your life be what you truly desire.

With love and light,
Z.


Affirmation of the Week:“Peace comes from remembering that only love is real.”
By Doreen Virtue

Quote of the Week:
“Lovers find secret places
Inside this violent world
Where they make transactions
With beauty.”
Mevlana Celaleddin Rumi

Zeynep’s Book Recommendation:“Sincerity and Truth – The Life Story of Meishusama” by Gerard Rohlfing